Story Time with Kuroko
by hellointernet
Summary: The Generation of Miracles managed to persuade Kuroko to tell them a story. The result was not what they expected... they sure as hell weren't expecting the impromptu lesson... or expected Kuroko to be this... creative... It was all really Aomine's fault.
1. Kuroko's Story

_Disclaimer._

* * *

It was hot in the gym, but cooler than the outside where the sun was beating down like the stupid fireball it was. The group of extraordinaires sat on the bleachers, gazing out in random directions.

"Ah, I'm so bored," Kise whined.

"Shut up, then," Aomine growled, taking a swig of Pocari. Like he wasn't bored too. The stupid copy-cat should just shut up and rest like Akashi told them to.

_"__No more practice for today. Or any extra practice," Akashi told them firmly, looking at all of them with those piercing eyes. _

There was no arguing with that. If not, a pair of scissors might come for their eyes.

"Now, now, don't start fighting here," Akashi chastised like a mother hen. Not that anyone would call him that. Not to his face or even behind his back. He literally had ears everywhere and would know even the slightest rumor.

The two shut their mouths at that.

"I'd prefer not having any blood on the court," he continued. "We don't want to slip or get distracted and miss a chance of winning because of a blood stain, do we?"

Of course that was his reason.

"Oi, oi. Testu, come on. Don't play dead," Aomine poked at the small figure stretched out on a row.

"I'm not playing dead, Aomine-kun. I am dead. Practice was way too harsh," Kuroko replied, not moving an inch.

"Waah! Kuroko-cchi! I'll give you a hug! You'll feel better that way!" the blond came barreling towards the phantom sixth player.

"No one wants to be hugged by you!" the tanned teen pushed the other way from his shadow.

"What? That's not true. Kuroko-cchi wants to be hugged by m – "

"Please don't, Kise-kun. I'll die from you crushing me to death."

Kise skidded to a stop.

"Your bones can withstand immense pressure. I'm sure that you won't die from Kise hugging you, though I do agree that no one would want to be hugged by him," Midorima stated matter-of-factly. "Besides, Aquarius are told to be at their peak today."

He was ignored by everyone.

"I could crush you, Kuro-chin," Murasakibara offered.

"Please don't."

Kise sat down, dejected. "But if I can't hug Kuroko-cchi, I don't have anything to cure my boredom."

They were back at square one: boredom.

"Why don't… Tetsu tell a story or something?" Aomine suggested. Kuroko gave a slight frown, glancing up at Akashi.

"Kuroko-cchi's going to tell a story?" Kise looked up, eyes sparkling.

The others were immediately reminded of a golden retriever, loyally looking at its owner. Kuroko looked at Akashi again, this time seemingly pleading with the redhead.

Akashi either didn't understand the (barely) expression or chose to ignore it (most likely the latter) because, "Seems interesting, right, Tetsuya?"

The bluenet definitely frowned this time. "I don't want to, though. Please let me sleep here for a bit, instead."

"But Kuroko-cchi!" Kise complained, getting the go ahead from his captain. "You've already slept enough. Tell us a story!"

"No."

"Ne, Kuro-chin, tell me a story," Murasakibara lazily plodded Kuroko on the cheek, chewing on a piece of grape candy.

"No."

"Aquarius are told to be at their peak today. That also includes their creativity," the shooting guard reminded everyone.

"No."

"I said, it seems interesting, Tetsuya," Akashi mildly reminded. "Are you trying to disobey me?"

_'__Huh? When was an order specified?' _the others thought.

"No, Akashi-kun. I was just saying that I did not want to tell a story for entertainment purposes," Kuroko blankly stated.

_'__That's the same as refusing,' _the others frowned. What was with the light-bluenet? Kuroko always somehow managed to surprise them.

"I'll buy you a Pocari, Testu!" Aomine tried to bribe the boy.

"Bribing me will not work, Aomine-kun," Kuroko frowned. Only a bit but it was still a frown. "Besides, you've already bought me a Pocari."

The shortest boy pointed down to the floor, where his almost-finished Pocari laid.

"Damn, I forgot."

"Kuroko-cchi! I'll… give you all the hugs and kisses you want! Please tell us a story!" Kise cried, trying once again to hug the boy. He was quickly pushed away by the ace once again.

"It's not like I want to hear the story… but I'll bring your lucky item for three days," Midorima tried his two cents.

"I am sorry, but I really do not want to tell a story," Kuroko blankly refused.

"Kuro-chin, do you want a churro? It is cinnamon sugar," Murasakibara offered, already shoving one under the smallest boy's nose.

Only one though. The dozen that laid untouched in the packet were all for him, of course. Good thing he got a baker's dozen.

"No thank yo –wait, Murasakibara-kun, did you just say cinnamon sugar?" Tetsuya asked, staring at the purple haired giant with his blank eyes.

"Ah, yes. If you don't want it, I'll be eating this," Atushi chomped happily on the offered stick.

The rest of the Generation of Miracles went still – Kise stopped his attempts to sit closer to Kuroko and Aomine stopped his valiant effort to keep the blond away from his precious Tetsu. Midorima stopped pretending that he was above all this childish nonsense and wasn't actually enjoying watching the squabbling (and also helping the tanned teen in his defense by kicking Kise's outstretched hand towards Kuroko because what the hell, everyone just likes bullying Kise). Akashi actually looked up from where he was fascinated by a pair of red scissors to curiously scrutinize his faithful purple-haired follower before going back to his task and pretending he wasn't surprised for a moment.

"You're eating cinnamon sugar churros? Like the normal cinnamon sugar churros which was pretty much the original flavor? Normal _normal_ cinnamon sugar churros?" Kise cried out alarmed.

"Yes… You're not getting any though, Kise-chin. They're mine," Murasakibara frowned, holding his food closer on him. "They were the only ones left at the shop. I wanted to get salmon and cheese topped with seaweed flavor."

Everyone gave a collective sigh, thankful that it was only because of circumstances and the world wasn't actually ending.

Kise ruined the brief silence by wailing, "But why does Kuroko-cchi get to eat it but I can't? Unfair!"

He was quickly shut up by Midorima who 'accidentally' threw a basketball to his face (he never misses).

The bespectacled man brought the attention back to the smallest member of the team. "What if I brought you the items for the whole next week then? Aquarius' luck is told to be down after this week."

The rest (except Murasakibara because he's lazy and Akashi because he's Akashi and was above this childish nonsense) joined in, giving out ridiculous offers such as a month's worth of 'Make Sure Kuroko Testuya Doesn't Die in the Bathtub' coupons.

Akashi stopped the commotion. "You fools! Of course petty bribes like that wouldn't work."

The Generation of Miracles waited for their captain to lash out at Kuroko with a pair of scissors to 'convince' him. Maybe threatening his family or delivering a speech about how he's absolute and thus always right and you should just bow down to me right now, goddammit!

Something like that.

The red-haired turned, "Tetsuya, I will be willing to buy you a vanilla milkshake if you agree to tell a story to entertain us all."

The cyan-haired looked up at that. The others went silent.

_'__Of course! Vanilla milkshakes! Why didn't we think of that?' _they all face-palmed simultaneously.

"I am sorry Akashi-kun but I don't think that a milkshake would be worth making up a story just to entertain you all. Especially in this deadbeat state," Testuya gestured to himself.

It was like a tennis match. The rest of the team looked back and forth between the two, wondering what the captain would do and if the phantom boy could keep on refusing before getting stabbed fatally.

"…I'll buy you all the milkshakes that you can drink," Akashi offered.

Kuroko shot up, eyes lit up into stars. Everyone else could just see how much the boy planned to get out of the rich Akashi Seijirou.

"…but only for today. I'll buy you as much drinks as you can drink for today. You can buy another once you've finished drinking the first and so on, okay?"

Tetsuya deflated visibly, crumpling back onto the bench. After a moment, he sat up again with new determined resolve. The whole team could see that the boy was determined to drink as many shakes as he could.

"Okay, I'll make up a story to tell."

"Yay! I love you, Kuroko-cchi!"

"After we go to Maji's Burger and get my shake… And Kise-kun, I am sorry but I can't reciprocate your feelings."

"Huh? I didn't mean it that way, Kuroko-cchi!

* * *

"Thank you for the drink," Kuroko sipped the sweet refreshment.

"So, are you going to start, Tetsu?" Aomine asked impatiently.

There was brief silence on the other end. "I need a prompt."

Before anyone could say anything, Aomine blurted, "Women!"

There wasn't time to protest as the blue-haired nodded and accepted the prompt.

"What?! But Kurok – "

"That's such a stupid – "

"Ne, Kuro-chin, do one about foo – "

"No way! Wome –"

"Children, calm down."

All went silent.

"Should I start now? Yes? Okay, once a upon a time –" Kuroko started on his prompt.

"Oh come on! Be a bit more original, Testu! Start with something else," the tanned teen of the group insisted.

The shadow frowned at the light before restarting over. "Somewhere over the… rainbow of miracles… lived about 40 million to 1.2 billion people. They've lived there for their whole life, training for a very important mission in their life."

"Whoa, really? Is it basketball? Are they going to take on the NBAs?" Daiki interrupted again.

"No. It's a story about going a mission that they trained for their whole life," the storyteller flatly stated, daring any others to challenge him.

"Yes, continue, Tetsuya," Akashi stepped in.

"Yes. The men are all prepared to go on a specialized mission that only they can go on. No one else can go on the mission as they are not the right kind."

"Kind?" Kise piped up.

"Yes. They are not specially… trained for this. That's why. Continuing on before Kise-kun so rudely interrupted me," Kuroko went on, not caring of the giant arrows of guilt stabbing Kise over and over (and his wail of 'What about Aomine? He interrupted too!').

"One day, the mountain they were living in rose up, entering a dark, tight space. It was like a black hole swallowing the mountain whole."

"Mountain?"

"Yes, because they live deep in an open mountain, round with a hole on the top. They can come and go from this hole, though none has gone out."

"Eh? Why won't they go out? Isn't it lonely to stay cooped up in one area?"

"Kise-kun, please don't interrupt. I'll lose my train of thought" Kuroko reminded the blond once again.

"Ryota, if you don't shut up for the next 5 minutes, I'll have to use my scissors," hetero-chromatic eyes glinted ominously.

"Uwaah! So mean!" the model cried before clamping his mouth shut after seeing a pair of red scissors appear in his captain's hands.

"The space they entered was dark and moist, like a cave. It was tight but all the men in the mountain knew that they had to prepare for battle. They had to prepare for the worst because anything could happen during this mission. Their very important mission that they've been preparing for their whole life," the blunetsipped his milkshake.

"Wait a minute. Where's all the women? All I'm hearing is about men, Tetsu!" Aomine complained.

The shadow frowned. "Please don't interrupt. You'll see later on if you just keep on listening."

"The prompt was women! I want hot, sexy women with big boobs!"

"So vulgar," Midorima pushed up his glasses.

"Ne, ne, Aka-chin. Can I buy more snacks?" Murasakibara gazed out to the counter.

"Atushi, please wait and finish these snacks first," the redhead placed numerous bags of various snacks and sweets onto the table. "Anyone else who interrupts will be doing five times the training for a month, even on weekends."

Everyone else immediately went silent (well, except for the chewing of a certain purple-headed oversized child).

"Thank you Akashi-kun. As I was saying, the men prepared for their very important mission. They are prepared to go out of their mountain. As soon as the first one prepared to step out, they heard gigantic voices. It seems that someone above is yelling."

"Tetsuya, I do not think that something such as 'someone above' exists," Akashi frowned.

"I was merely talking about giants. The giants were being inconsiderably loud. The men who were on a mission panicked, hearing the great voices boom above their mountain and went into a frenzy, escaping out of their homes hurriedly. They swarmed into the cavern like a swarm of ants."

"Wait, wait, Kuroko-cchi! But didn't you say that they were really well trained? Why would they panic then?" Kise raised his hand like a child asking a question.

"Ryota, it hasn't even been 2 minutes yet. If you do it again, I can't guarantee that you'll get away unscathed," Akashi mused, twirling his scissors in hand.

"Eek! Yes sir!"

"Kise-kun, please don't question aspects of my stories and make plot holes. And Akashi-kun, may I have another milkshake?" Kuroko shook his now empty cup.

The Miracles looked at Kuroko in shock. How did he even finish it that fast? They weren't even past the intro yet!

"Wha – Tetsu! How'd you finish it that fast? You usually have no appetite!" Aomine cried in surprise.

"All right then, Tetsuya. Midorima, go buy him another one," the captain handed some money to the green haired.

The shooter got up from his seat on the edge and bought another drink.

"Thank you Midorima-kun."

Akashi silently started calculating how many drinks Kuroko will have ordered by the time the story was finished (including all the time from the interruptions).

"So all the men in the mountain went into the humid cavern prepared with all the gear. However, not even 20% of these well prepared adventurers made it past the front door. They were all burned and melted to death by acid that surround the front gate," Kuroko emotionlessly narrated.

"What?! They died?!" Kise cried out in horror, completely forgetting the warning from Akashi.

"Wha – Tetsu! If you're going to kill them of, do them in a cooler fashion! At least have a variety of methods. I mean, this is 20% of the… what was it again? 40 million to 1 billion people. That's… a lot of people," Aomine complained.

"Have some common sense, would you?" Midorima chided. "It's 240000000, providing that we're going with the number of 1.2 billion people. As expected, you can't even do a simple math equation"

_'__You have some common sense! Who cares about the number?! Kuroko-cchi/Tetsu's killing off people here!'_ Aomine and Kise thought (because really, Atushi doesn't really give a shit if it's not food and Akashi is probably _proud_ of Tetsuya right now).

"All right. Some of the 240000000 people were burned with acid, melting into puddles of bubbly blood, bones, tongues and eyeballs. Others were simply beheaded by the front gate guards who had poured acid onto them. It was a massive carnage. Heads rolled off to the darkest corners and laid there forgotten. Eyeballs and guts were squished as their comrades ran past, intent on getting to the next stage. Someone coughed up clots of blood into the face of a guard, only to get squished up like a bug by the guard's giant hands. I'm pretty sure a lung came up there. The floor was a bloodbath and one had to be careful to not step on the puddles, less it be the acidic remains of their friends and the erosive fluid started melting them too," Kuroko rephrased his story in his deadpan voice, sipping his new vanilla milkshake calmly. "Once you've stepped on acid, you can't escape, you know."

"…damn Tetsu. I said make it a _bit_ more creative, not tell us about your goddamn evil fantasies to murder everyone on the planet and write a book about it!" Aomine set down his teriyaki burger and looked at his shadow in new light. Who'd knew the little phantom could be this terrifying?

"Waah! What about their comrades? Aren't the rest of the 80% going to help them?" Kise asked worriedly.

"Kise-kun, sometimes, in life, it's every man for himself," the storyteller replied. It shocked everyone that the little phantom was saying something so… un-Kuroko-like. This was the boy who went on about teamwork all the time?

"Tch. Acid doesn't work that way, you know. It takes some time to eat away a person's skin. A bloodbath like that should not be over in a matter of seconds," Midorima corrected, fixing his glasses once again.

_Midorima-cchi/Midorima! And how would you know how long it takes for acid to melt a person's skin? What exactly are you doing in your 'study time'?!_

"Of course, forgive me, Midorima-kun. The battle didn't end in a matter of seconds. It was dragged out for quite some time and it was complete chaos as the rest of the men rushed past to get to their goal. Let's say… it lasted about 30 minutes to 45?"

_Kuroko-cchi/Tetsu! Don't discuss this like it's a normal topic! And Midorima/Midorima-cchi! Why do you look so satisfied with that explanation? Akashi/Akashi-cchi too!_

"Ne, Kuro-chin~ Can you add something about eating to the story? I wanna see something being eaten," Murasakibara requested, completely unfazed with the gruesome description.

_How does you keep eating those, even though you just heard all of THAT? _

"Of course, Murasakibara-kun. I'll be sure to include your favorite activity," the shortest of the group nodded.

"Yay~ Kuro-chin's the best."

"Continuing on," Kuroko went on, ignoring the outbursts of _'Are you going to create a massacre again, Tetsu?' _and _'No Kuroko-cchi! Don't!' _"The rest of the men on the mission went ahead to the next stage. They started trekking uphill, fine for a while. It was after a while that they start having effects of dementia. Some of them went the wrong way, getting trapped in small openings that they somehow miraculously, foolishly, in fact got into."

"How does that even work?! Tetsu!"

Aomine was shut up by a small frown and, "Daiki."

"More and more men separated from their original path, going off into dead ends that often had traps in them. For example, there was a group of men who turned right into a tunnel. They were soon killed when spikes protruded out of the wall an impaled them. There were no survivors. There was another tunnel that had a set of bombs that would go off if there were intruders in it. These bombs set off another set in another tunnel and both groups simultaneously died. Numerous of these infinite tunnels had guards, not unlike the triangle head guy in the Silent Hill movie that Aomine-kun made me watch and many of these specially trained men were beheaded, before get their whole skin ripped off." Kuroko paused in his relentless barrage of killings. "Should I continue? Aomine-kun is looking a bit green."

"Who wouldn't be?! You're even copying off gruesome killings off horror movies! You've made me lose my appetite, Tetsu! I'm gonna be sick," Aomine covered his mouth.

"Kuroko-cchi! How mean, killing off all of those men. Do you have a grudge against men or something?!" Kise huddled in a corner of the booth, staring at the expressionless blunetin fear.

"Hmph. Kuroko, are you sure that these men were specially trained. Or even trained at all? They seemed awfully unprepared," Midorima pointed out, absently undoing and redoing the tape on his hands.

"That's not something you should be noticing right now!" Kise and Aomine snapped.

"Maybe their mission is to suicide?" the basketball shooter continued his train of thought.

"Please don't poke plot holes like Kise-kun. If there are any complaints, please direct them to Aomine-kun, as he was the one that requested this story and gave the prompt," the phantom sixth player paused from his sipping of his third milkshake.

"Ne, Kuro-chin. What about the eating? You still haven't included it in your story," Murasakibara nonchalantly mentioned.

"Right. As the team progressed, there were more severe reactions to the dementia. Those who were affected started going against the others. Many of the unaffected died, also taking down the demented. There were many cases where the demented went 'starving' and proceeded to eat the flesh and guts of the dead. The blood and gore dripped from their mouths and many of them were shot dead by their own comrades as they got terrified," the disappearing boy imperceptibly nodded himself, pleased with his narrating.

"Murasakibara-cchi! Look what you did with the suggestion! Waah! I'm going to have nightmares of demented men trying to eat my beautiful model face!" Kise cried out big fat tears.

"Tetsu! Don't you think that's going a bit too far?!" Aomine slammed his large hands onto the table, almost squishing his 7 leftover burgers and rocketing Midorima's fries into the air.

The purple-haired player grabbed them out of the air before they even had the chance to go to their highest height and shoved them in his mouth, munching away, despite the fact that he was already eating chocolate covered raisins. All the other Generation of Miracles stared at the oblivious man smacking his lips for more taste.

"Atushi, chew a bit more quietly," Akashi at last reprimanded.

"Yes ~"

"Aomine-kun never specified what kind of womanly story I should make up about," Kuroko defended himself, getting up for another milkshake.

_IT'S NOT WOMANLY AT ALL!_

"That is true, Daiki. You don't really have a say in Tetsuya's story anymore. The story's fine," the redhead reminded the tanned teen.

_'__Of course you'd think the damn story's fine! It involves men getting killed in the most torturous ways possible! What did you teach Testu during that time of 'nurturing your misdirecting skills'?' _Aomine thought vehemently, though he'd never dare to say that to his captain's face. Who would?

"I'm back," the shortest male stated as he appeared out of nowhere, sipping another vanilla refreshment.

"That's faster than what you'd usually take," Midorima noted.

"There were no other customers so it was easier to get the barista's attention. And where was I?"

"Cannibalism," Akashi quipped.

"Ah yes. Did you like that part, Murasakibara-kun. It had eating in it."

_WHO'D LIKE SOMETHING LIKE THAT?_

"Hmm. It had eating but it wasn't eating snacks so it was okay," the tallest player scratched his head absent-mindedly.

_THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?_

"Okay. Now then, let's continue."

"Goddammit, how long is this going to take, Tetsu?"

"Aomine-kun, you can't rush great pieces of work. The men got to the next stage where the dementia wasn't as strong. Some still trailed off and got exploded/impaled/beheaded but the rest still bravely marched onwards. The next obstacle was – "

"Ooh, ooh! Let me guess! Is it… cooking? Or building a campfire and bonding with marshmallows? Or maybe even doing crafts to improve friendliness?" Kise waved his hand around excitedly like a child with who _knew_ they had the right answer.

"You stupid copycat! Have you not been listening to the story?!" the tanned teen of the group smacked the model's head.

"Waah! Ahomine hit me!"

"Oi! Don't call me Ahomine!"

"Ahomine, Ahomine, Ahomine!"

"Why you – Dumb blond!"

"Wha – you – "

The squabbling was silenced by a small cough, coming from an irate looking Kuroko (as irate as he could look with his limited expressions).

"Tetsu, I didn't – "

"Kuroko-cchi! Don't get mad! That A –"

"I shall continue the story, Kise-kun, Aomine-kun. Please don't interrupt and sit down quietly like the others are." Which was actually a lie since Murasakibara was chewing loudly, Midorima was mumbling something about Oha Asa horoscopes and Akashi was… well who knows what he was doing but he seemed to be muttering things under his breath. And knowing him, it wouldn't be nice things either. Maybe a plan kill a person in the most un-noticeable way possible. Or just stabbing people with scissors.

"The next obstacle wasn't bonding time with each other – though I do kind of want to tell a little scene about some of the men going insane and cooking their teammates – it was to climb up a waterfall since they're heading up. The men started getting their equipment out, preparing to climb the slippery wall behind the giant waterfall. However, it wasn't easy to go through the water. Many men died from the immense pain of getting their private parts bit off by piranhas. Other were chomped in half by alligators, crocodiles or even trampled by a herd of wild hippopotamuses nearby."

There was a minuscule pause.

"And pythons also squeezed some of the combatants to death," the bluenet added as an afterthought.

"Don't make it sound like you're just trying to just find more ways to kill off people!" the dark-bluenet screeched at the pass specialist, which he passively ignored.

"Many succeeded in surviving through the water and climbed the wall, only to slip off when they misplaced a hand or a foot. Their equipment wasn't strong enough to hold them as they fell down to their doom, many breaking limbs and cracking heads against the jagged rocks below."

"Wait, wait! I didn't hear anything about jagged rocks!"

"Kise-kun, please don't interrupt. If you didn't hear about the jagged rocks, they died on impact against the harsh, freezing water because gravity was a bitch and the rate of acceleration was too much for their bodies to handle."

"They died either way, didn't they?" the only other sane person objecting the murder story groaned into his hands. (Or maybe he's not sane either. After all, he's in the Generation of Miracles. And the _ace_, in fact.)

"Maybe they're all Taurus. They're told to have bad luck today," Midorima gave his input.

"It wouldn't matter if they're all born in May or born in September! They're on a suicide mission!"

"Hmph. You've obviously never experienced the true power of Oha Asa. Anything Oha Asa says will come true, unless you have your daily lucky item like me," the green-haired sneered at the tanned teen, patting his hot pink stuffed dog, complete with a ridiculous green collar and a mechanism that'd let out 'I love you!' when pressed.

"Let's just please get back on track with the story," the phantom player spoke up. "Only a handful of the original group of people survived the ordeals so far. The rest went ahead, dead bodies lying in their wake. They took no notice of tunnel becoming smaller and smaller. When it became too tight, some of the fatter ones in the front burst because of the compression. Only the thinner ones survived."

"Now you're just making up ridiculous ways to kill them all off. I bet the story's going to end with everyone dying," Aomine complained, regretting that he spoke up with the idea. Tetsu was evil! An evil, evil, little cyan-haired blank-faced phantom.

"Ne, Kuro-chin. This is getting boring. Is there a prize at the end?" Murasakibara asked, already three quarters through munching his numerous bags of snacks that he brought.

"Yes, there will be a prize," the pass specialist nodded.

The giant paid no attention, already drooling. "Maybe it's the limited edition of Lays cinnamon-bun with raisins and cream cheese potato chips. Mm~"

The other Miracles blanched in disgust at the mentioned flavor.

"After the smaller ones got through the tight, blood splattered tunnel, they arrived onto a circular stairwell. There, many of the leftover men decided to sop and stay there, just in case the ones advancing forward need a backup. Half of the group went up the stairwell."

"You know… Murasakibara-cchi's kind of right. This is kind of getting boring," Kise commented.

"Would you like me to kill the first group off and roll them down the stairs like bowling pins? I could set up some traps on the way," the light-blunet offered.

"Ah! No, no! That's not what I want! I meant, that it was a change of pace that they're surviving and half of them are not dead! Please don't kill them off after having them survive everything!" the blond model waved his hands frantically.

"Maybe make up some names. A story is always better with names," Akashi suggested, writing something on a thick stack of paper that he procured out of nowhere.

_'__Was… was he really doing paperwork right now?' _the rest of his team thought.

"Okay. The men went up one by one. The last one in line shall be named 'Steve'. Steve pitifully dragged himself up the spiraling staircase. He was tired and worn out, more so than the others because he was a pitiful man with no actual strength and only managed to survive all the way here by pure luck and because he used some of his dead friends as stepping stones when he crossed the river to climb up the waterfall."

"Is it just me or does it seem like you hate Steve?" Aomine frowned at the description.

"Steve must be a Capricorn. Aquarius and Capricorn are said to be on odds end today," Midorima nodded as he double checked the day's horoscope on his phone.

_'__No one cares about his horoscope! Steve doesn't even exist!'_ Aomine internally thought, flabbergasted at the green haired man.

"Actually, Steve was born March 18th, not in January," Kuroko challenged the prim-and-proper man's thoughts.

_'__Why are YOU trying to start an argument with him? Why did you give Steve a birthdate if you hate him so much?'_

Aomine sighed. Was he the only sane one in this? Kise was dramatically crying, dabbing his eyes with grease stained napkins because little Steve was just so pitiful and what did he do to get Kuroko-cchi's hatred, waahh! Murasakibara is _still_ eating like nobody's business. Tetsu's still telling that god awful story (and still drinking after 8 milkshakes, but who's counting, right?). Midorima's sprouting nonsensical philosophy from Oha Asa – which isn't even true, goddammit! And Akashi's _doing paperwork_ like this gathering was a completely normal thing with Kuroko being an evil, storytelling bastard!

Midorima remain oblivious to the discomfort of the ace of the team. He nodded as if confirming something. "Pisces are also told to have some disagreement with Aquarius."

_'__Again, no one cares!'_

"After Steve finished climbing the stairs, he saw the rest of his group standing at a crossroads. After some arguing, they decided to take a chance and split up, half going left and the others going right. Steve the useless went right. It was quite a walk, though much shorter compared to the rest of the journey, but they reached the floating Egg. They cried tears of joy when they guessed right at the crossroads and found the prize. They could now fulfill their mission that they've trained all their lives."

"Ah, a floating egg… is it boiled? A chocolate Easter egg? Or is it just a raw egg that you can make a chocolate and cheese omelet with?" Atushi perked up at the mention of food.

Kise tilted his head. "Egg?"

Aomine frowned. "Is this some kind of supernatural stuff? It's a bomb egg isn't it?"

Akashi paused slightly in his accounting, before the scratching against paper continued.

Midorima paused before going for his phone to check what his horoscope said about eggs.

"Yes, _the_ Egg. The Egg that'd let them fulfill everything that they needed to do in their life. The wonderful, perfectly spherical Egg that was specially placed in the middle of a glass case like they do in museums with many high technical traps that were inconveniently and inexplicable placed there by feminists who doesn't want the specially trained men to succeed. "

_'__What kind of egg is that? Maybe a jewel sort of thing?'_ Kise thought to himself.

_'__Are you kidding me?! More traps?! It's defiantly a bomb. It's defiantly a bomb. Tetsu's just going to make them all explode. They were all on a suicide mission. I just knew it,' _Aomine frantically thought. _'And maybe Tetsu should stop drinking those shakes. I think it's having an effect on him if he's talking like that…."_

"The rest of the men all charged to the Egg. Steve was a little slow and lagged behind. The first one got electrocuted and died. However, he disabled the first trap. The second one melted in acid. The third got hit by arrows in the head, knee and heart. The fourth got hit by an icy splash of water and froze to death after an unfortunate wild wind fl – "

"How many people do you have in that measly group?!" Aomine exclaimed.

"I'm surprised this many even came until here. I thought only a handful would be left…," Kise mused.

"-ew past. The fifth was pierced by ice spikes that dropped from the ceiling. The sixth was – "

"Like I said, all of them except Steve were probably Taurus. They're bound to have immense bad luck today," Midorima patted the stuffed pink dog in his lap, much like an evil villain with a cat. "Also, you've already pierced the third one."

_'__Who remembers stuff like that?!' _Aomine stared at his superstitious teammate.

"No, no, Midorima-kun. This one was stabbed by _ice_ _spikes _from above. The other one was shot by arrows from the side," the little phantom shook his head, correcting the mistake.

_'__And why are you responding to him about THAT? No one cares anymore, you know, after you ruthlessly killed of the majority of people, Tetsu!'_

"Right, right. My bad."

"Anyway, the rest of the men died, disabling one traps after another. Their last message was _'Finish it, Steve!'_, spoken in that voice in that game that Aomine-kun plays. Mortal Combat, was it?"

"Mortal _Kombat._ With a 'K'," the light corrected automatically.

"Right. After that voice randomly came out, only Steve was left after everyone else died for his sake. He cried and went towards the Egg, the path cleared of all the traps. He reached up and touch the Egg… and was sucked in completely. After his whole body went in, he spontaneously combusted, splattering the clear walls with blood and gore. The Egg pulsed happily, before starting to float down the path. It –"

"What the actual fuck, Tetsu?! The man just spontaneously combusted?! And _'The Egg pulsed happily'._ How the fuck does that fucking work?!" Aomine cussed like a sailor, fed up with all the unpredictable bumps the story was hitting. He really should've been doing this earlier on during the story, though.

"Language, Daiki. There are kids in the shop," Akashi looked up from his work, focusing his eyes on the ace.

"Waah, Kuroko-cchi! You didn't have to kill off Steve! He was the only one with a name!" Kise cried again. Seriously, does he not run out of tears?

"So it wasn't a chocolate egg? Or an omelet?" Murasakibara pouted disappointedly.

"Oha Asa was right. Pisces should be cautious around Aquarius. But did Steve listen to me? No. He gets what he deserves," Midorrima pushed his glasses up.

_'__What part of spontaneous combustion did Steve deserve? He didn't even do anything!'_ Aomine disagreed with the logic.

"Please let me finish the story. It is not done yet and I know many people hate cliffhangers," Kuroko interrupted through the mutterings of everyone (except Akashi because he doesn't mumble. He boldly declares his words to the world, even if it's his intentions to kill someone with water torture.)

Once there was a silence, the cyan-haired resumed the epilogue of his story. "Like I said, after Steve spontaneously combusted, the Egg pulsed happily and started down the path. When it reached the crossroads at the top of the staircase, it went through a secret tunnel that lead up, where there was fresh air, birds chirping and all things glorious. The Egg went to the middle of all of it, where there was a clearing made specifically for it. It laid down and prepared for its birth, hibernating for 9 months before it could be born and brought out of the cavern and into the real world … and quite possibly start the apocalypse. As for the rest of the men who went left and stayed as backup, there was a terrible flood as the Egg went into its secret tunnel imaginary world. The rest of the unlucky men all drowned and all the dead bodies, including the ones that died before, were flushed out of the cavern into the space where they spontaneously evaporated into water vapor. Thus the story shall now end, with no more chaos until the Egg is born… but that might be a sequel."

A stunned silent audience looked at the phantom player. A sequel? There was going to be a sequel of this blood-soaked, gored, mutilated, horrendous, and stabbed multiple times with a butter knife, gorged out with a plastic spoon of a story? Is he for serious?

These thoughts were interrupted by an exclamation not unlike 'Erueka!' (though it was less significantly important and you know, no bathtubs and nakedness) from Aomine. "I _knew _it! Not one of them survives!"

"I never said anything about any of them surviving, Aomine-kun. That's what you assumed on your own," the sixth player of the Generation of Miracles objected indifferently.

It didn't really help the newly formed image of Kuroko being the next cold hearted psycho evil mastermind who killed with all the indifference in the world.

Akashi cleared his throat. "Tetsuya, I don't think you should be drinking any more of those. They're bound to be bad for your help if you drink over 10 a day."

_'__How is that related to what we're talking about?! …wait, over 10?! How the hell did Tetsu manage that?! And what's more, how did he finish those without us noticing?' _Aomine started bug eyed at the pile of drinks on their table._ 'And Akashi actually managed to keep track of it?'_

"Waah! No, Kuroko-cchi! You'll become too bloated and float away with all that liquid in your tummy!" Kise had once again made a ridiculous statement.

Murasakibara stared at the phantom player with a strange expression. "Good job, Kuro-chin." He ruffled the smaller's hair. "So tiny ~"

…wait, was the giant child _impressed_ by Kuroko?

Kuroko moved a little way out of the giant's hand, his hair almost looking like a bedhead. Almost. Nothing beat's Kuroko Tetsuya's natural bed head. _Nothing._

"Hmph. Only you guys didn't notice him finishing a drink after another."

"Yes, thank you for getting up to get me a new one every time, Midorima-kun," Kuroko nodded in thanks.

_'__WHAT?! How did we completely miss that?!' _Aomine personally blamed the outrageous story his partner cooked up.

"It's not like I was doing it for you," the green-haired blushed.

"Wait a minute. The whole fricking story didn't have anything to do with women at all! Nothing! It was just about a bunch of guys getting killed off while on a random adventure and in the end, some guy gets exploded and the rest drowned. There wasn't even a _cameo_ of _a_ woman!" Aomine slammed his hands on the table and stared accusingly at his shadow.

Kuroko sipped his 14th vanilla milkshake before calmly replying with, "That… was a heavily fictionalized fabricated version of the process of fertilization with a lot of improvisation. All information was from the video we watched in science class."

…

"EHH?!" Kise drew back in surprise.

"What the hell do you mean by that, Tetsu?!"Aomine was truly puzzled, his brain not comprehending the words.

"…how drastically different from the original version," Midorima blushed a little at the thought of fertilization.

Murasakibara paused in his continuous chewing, tilting his head curiously. "Fertilization…?"

Even Akashi blinked at the sudden reveal.

"Does it not take a woman and a man to complete the process of fertilization? Aomine-kun only asked for a woman, not a specific type of woman or story. It was even based off true facts so it's beneficial for your knowledge."

"Wait, wait! So does that mean that all the men that were killed off were… all…," Kise trailed off.

"Yes. Steve's actual title would be Steve the Sperm," the phantom player nonchalantly threw the bit of information out there.

"WHAT?!"

"Wait, wait. Would that mean that when they were first delivered into the cavern, getting out of the _mountain_, was actually… the scene where…." Realization drew in ace of the team's eyes.

"Yes. It's surprising that Aomine-kun could actually realize something in the story but then again, not really, since it's _that_ part."

"I thoug – wait a minute. Tetsu! Did you just insult me?! I am not just a – "

"Well, the information and scenery is technically correct, just heavily fantasized and exaggerated. It is correct that 20% of the sperms die upon entrance because of the high acidity at the… entrance," Midorima recited.

"So the Egg wasn't a chocolate egg but an actual egg?" the sweets loving player frowned.

_'__Are you really still going on about the chocolate egg?!' _Aomine cried out in his head.

"Yes, that is correct."

"Well then, that was an interesting story. I have it all recorded, of course," Akashi pocketed his phone. "I'd have to edit out all the talking to just get the story version but that can be done with a few simple touches."

"EH?! You recorded it?!" Kise couldn't believe that Akashi would record a story. A really poorly told story with a lot of run on sentences. Told by a blank faced person who decided kill off everyone in a deadpan voice.

_'__Of course you'd record this. Only you would have a pre-recorded bloody, gory story that you can tell your future children as bedtime stories,'_ the tanned teen of the group snorted quietly.

"It is the first time Tetsuya told a story for us, no? It is a precious memory to treasure," the redhead smiled faintly. "If you want a copy, you can ask me."

"Who'd want a copy of that horrendous story?!" Aomine cringed at the thought of him listening to Kuroko's voice, telling the heinous story.

"It's surprising though, that Kuroko-cchi can tell a story like this, based on _that_ and not get embarrassed."

"That's Tetsu for you. I'm more surprised that he can finish 14 milkshakes in only about 2 hours."

"I'll surpass the limits if it's for something that I love."

_'__Drinking milkshakes is not really what you should be working on,'_ Aomine objected in his mind, remembering all the times the phantom sixth player fell asleep during training.

"Well, what's done is done. It is almost dark. We should head home soon," Midorima stated.

"I wonder what's for dinner ~" the purple haired player started drooling when he thought about the upcoming meal.

"Well, then, let's go, everyone," Akashi stood up, leading them out of the restaurant like the captain he was. "Remember, if you want a copy, ask me over the phone or just email me."

"Like anyone would want that!" Aomine repeated.

"Oh, and Daiki and Ryota, you're doing extra practice for a month because you guys interrupted too much."

"WWHHAAT?! WHY, AKASHI-CCHI?!"

"And Daiki, I don't mean practice matches. I meant running laps, doing push-ups, sit ups and the like."

"ARGH! DAMMIT AKASHI!"

"Did I hear something, Daiki? And you're paying for Tetsuya's daily milkshake after practice."

"Ugh… don't I already pay for his drinks daily?"

"…You can always ask me for the recording anytime."

"I TOLD YOU! WE'RE NOT GOING TO ASK!"

* * *

Despite what he says, Aomine is the first one to send an email to his captain asking for the recording. Everyone bar Kuroko asked.

* * *

_First KnB story. I hope most of them were in character. I know that Kuroko wasn't but that was on purpose. This is a crack fic after all. _

_I got this idea in science class. We were watching a video about the process of fertilization and literally everyone in class was sleeping but after hearing the voice go on and on about the dangers and how hard it actually was to get pregnant...so basically, everyone was sleeping in class but I was literally freaking out about think how cool it'd be to write a fic about fertilization disguised as a deadly adventure. And then one thing led to another and I started thinking about how awesome it'd be if someone that you least expected told the story and I just got addicted to KnB... so yeah. This came out. _

_Murasakibara and Akashi didn't really get much screen time as I'd liked... I like Murasakibara a lot but his name's really long to type and yeah, I'm not really good at portraying his character yet. I thought Aomine and Kise might be a tad OOC too... but I needed people who actually would react and I have no idea how Midorima would actually react... _

_This turned out more gruesome than I expected. I was hoping to write, you know, trials and errors and how some men failed and maybe a heartwarming story about teamwork and how many die in the process etc but it just turned out to Kuroko being the next George R.R Martin. Not quite sure how Kuroko didn't need bathroom breaks in this... or how much he drank. I need at least 20 minutes to drink a shake. _

_Maybe I should've named this Kuroko's Sex Ed... but that would've given the whole story away. If anyone who read this has not gone through sex ed, which I highly doubt but just in case if you haven't and is nine years old, please don't take Kuroko's Sex Ed as literal. The sperms do not really eat each other or there are no tiny wild animals living in vaginas. Do not go asking your parents about whether or not there are Silent Hill men beheading sperms down there. Oh and practice safe sex. _

_Enough of me rambling. Thanks for reading and hoped you enjoyed it! _


	2. Everyone Else Reacts to: Kuroko's Story!

The Winter Cup was finished. The competition ended.

As chance happened, all the teams decided that they'll have their dinner at the same shop: Maji Burger.

And by all teams, I do mean, _all _the teams.

It was quite a surprise that the tiny shop actually managed to have enough seats for all the teams if they all squished in a bit. Serving and ordering food was hectic though.

When the Seirin team entered, the shop was already filled with chatter and some fighting between the teams. Kuroko was immediately tackled by a flying blond that was Kise, before the model was pushed off by a pink blur and the phantom's face was squished into F cup boobs.

_Die, Kuroko!_

"Momoi-san, I can't breathe."

"Ah, sorry, sorry. I was just so glad to see Tetsu-kun! Aaah!" Momoi twirled around, cheeks blushing.

_'What do you see in this guy?!'_ the Seirin team thought.

"Sorry, Testu. Couldn't hold her back. Satsuki was gone when I turned," Aomine came over, pulling the Touou manager back.

"Hello, Aomine-kun, Kise-kun, Momoi-san," Kuroko greeted them, noting how crowded the shop was.

"Hi, Kuro-chin ~ Waa, so tiny ~" Murasakibara patted the cyan-haired on the head.

"Hello, Murasakibara-kun. Please stop that."

_'Dammit. All of the Generation of Miracles are here, except –' _Kagami was cut off by the sound of bells jingling.

The whole Seirin team turned when the shop's door opened and standing in the middle of his team was Midorima.

"…we're going to another shop. Let's go," the green haired declared, already turning back.

"Ah, ah, Shin-chan! Look, your old friends are here! And there's all the other teams!" Takao stopped him, pulling his partner back into the shop.

_'You just don't want to pull the rickshaw, don't you?'_ everyone else thought.

"Hello, Midorima-kun."

Midorima paused before pushing his glasses up and pretending he wasn't startled by the greeting (his hands fumbled a little bit with the bi-shoujo doll in a maid outfit). "Hello, Kuroko."

"What about me? I don't get a greeting?" Kise pouted.

All the teams turned again when the doors opened again. The Shutoku team parted to reveal the Rakuzan's team, minus that Kuroko copy-cat. Akashi stood in the middle and looked every bit of an emperor, despite being the shortest and smallest of the group.

"Hello, Akashi-kun," Kuroko calmly said. Seriously, does nothing shake this guy?

"Hello, Tetsuya. Daiki. Ryota. Shintarou. Atushi," the captain addressed his former team members.

There were numerous variety of greetings from the members, all replying him in different ways with their own nicknames.

"You guys go get a booth," the Rakuzan captain directed the members of his team.

"Okay, Sei-chan~" Mibuchi Reo said, the rest of the team following him off.

"Now, Ryota, Shintarou, Atushi, Tetsuya, Dai –" Akashi frowned when he saw that the tanned teen was already at the counter.

"I'll take 30 teriyaki burgers, a coke and a milkshake."

"I'll take 30 cheeseburgers, a coke and a milkshake."

There was a silence between the two.

"Oi you! I was here first! Go back in line! Who do you think you're, buying Tetsu milkshakes? Bakagami!" Aomine shouted, right in the face of Kagami. "And make that 35 teriyaki burgers."

"_I_ was here first! You go back in line! And I'm his light, Ahomine! Who do you think _you_ are, buying Kuroko milkshakes?" Kagami pushed back. "And I meant 40 cheeseburgers."

"_I _was his light first, Bakagami! I can buy Tetsu whatever I want! And it's 45 teriyaki burgers."

"And I'm his light _now_. I'll buy him his milkshake. And I wanted 50 cheeseburgers."

"55 burgers! And who say _you'll_ buy him his milkshake?"

"60! _I _say."

"65! Well, _I_ veto that!"

"70! Your vote doesn't count! And we're not even in Rome!"

The poor girl behind the counter was now glancing between them like a tennis match as the two continued to argue with their faces on who will buy their shadow's drink. The numbers of burgers kept climbing higher and higher to ridiculous amounts.

"Dai-chan's an idiot," Momoi sighed, rubbing her face tiredly.

"Kuroko-cchi, aren't you going to stop them?" Kise asked.

"…I think they're fine right now. They can both buy me milkshakes if they want to…."

_'You just want free milkshakes, don't you?'_

It took a while before the lights resolved their argument and went separate ways with their own pile of burgers on their straining trays. However, Aomine's path to the Touou table was interrupted by a commanding voice.

"I think it'll be good if we all sit together, just for old times, no?"

* * *

It wasn't long before the Generation of Miracles and their former manager were all seated together in one booth. Akashi was of course, in the middle, at the 'head' of the table. Atushi was right beside, with Aomine sitting at the end. Momoi was across form the tanned teen, Kise next to her and Midorima next to the model.

Kuroko was seated between Murasakibara and Aomine. Or would be if Aomine didn't sit with his legs so far apart, taking more space than necessary, and if Murasakibara could stop being so gigantic and shrink down a little with some magical button. As none of this was possible, the little phantom boy ended up sitting half on Aomine's lap, half on Murasakibara's.

The cyan-haired didn't really seem that annoyed as he contently sipped the drink his former light had bought him. Even as a purple haired giant kept petting his head and got crumbs in his hair.

BEHOLD! THE POWER OF VANILLA MILKSHAKES!

"That's not fair! Dai-chan, switch places with me! I wanna sit next to Tetsu-kun!" Momoi reached across the table to pull insistently at her childhood friend's jacket.

"No way, idiot! First comes, first serve! Ask Murasakibara to move then," Aomine took a huge bite of his burger, tugging himself away from the pink haired girl.

"Ew, Dai-chan. And besides, Tetsu-kun want to sit with me! Don't you, Tetsu-kun?" she turned expectantly to her crush. However, before the phantom boy could give a reply, she blushed immediately and turned around.

"Ah, what should I do? He… he looked at me… what if he offers his milkshake like last time with the popsicle?" A love-struck girl indeed.

Unknown to her, a common thought ran through everyone's mind. Or to be specific, two common thoughts. _'Highly unlikely. Kuroko likes his milkshakes too much' _and _'Kuroko, you lucky bastard'_.

A quiet cough interrupted her ramblings. "Satsuki, calm yourself down. The seating arrangement's fine. And Daiki, don't talk with your mouth full. Have some manners."

_'…well, this is anti-climactic. The first group meeting of the legendary Generation of Miracles and their hot and cunning manager and _this_ is the first thing that comes out? …Akashi's kind of like a mom.'_

"So, as of now, we've now all fought against each other," Akashi started, ignoring all the stares that their table was getting. "We've come a long way from middle school. A reunion was in order, no?"

"Can I have more snacks, Aka-chin?"

"You never change do you? Yes, but I'm sure that Himuro Tatsuya has snacks for you. I'm not going to buy you any."

_'Definitely a mom.'_

Himuro froze from where he was peeking out from the booth behind. In his hand, frozen halfway on the way of delivering Murasakibara's snacks.

_'How the hell did he know that?!'_

"Yay, Muro-chin~ Thanks," the Yosen player's face lit up childishly as he grabbed the bags of snacks offered.

"As I was saying, this is a time to reflecting on our middle school days and realize how far we've gotten," the red haired captain nodded himself, pleased with the impromptu speech he just gave. Stupid people interrupting every other time. They should just meet their doom with his scissors.

There was silence from all the others.

"…hey, isn't this the same booth? The one where Tetsu drank too many milkshakes and ended up with a stomachache the next day?" Aomine suddenly asked.

Speech totally wasted on idiots like these.

"Huh? That happened?" Kise tilted his head.

"How did you even remember that anyway?" Midorima asked.

"Ha. That's easy. The table's number 6 which was my jersey number. This is _my _table. How can I not remember that?"

_'Makes – nope, doesn't make sense at all. Also, isn't it kind of arrogant to say it's _his_ table?'_ all the others who were listening thought.

It was like a T.V. show. Like the Kardashians or something. The whole store was pretty much silent except for whispers here and there as they all watched the famed Generation of Miracles interact with each other.

"…wait, wasn't that the day Tetsu... you know, made that… and it turned out to be –"

"Made what? What did Tetsu-kun make?"

"What?"

"You know, the sto – _that._"

"Waah! Aomine-cchi! Don't say it! We don't want to hear it again!"

"Hear what again, Kise-kun? Did you not like my story? I had fun that time."

_'Of course you did. You took Akashi's money to order a bazillion milkshakes,' _the rest of the Generation of Miracles thought.

However, the rest of the basketball teams were thinking, _'_Kuroko_ made a story? And he had fun? And why does the rest of the GoM look terrified at the mention of this?'_

"It's… it's not that I don't _like _it… it's… it's…," Kise tried to think of a way without outright saying that the story was absolutely terrifying and no one should tell it ever again. Or be subjected to listening to it.

"What he wants to say is that he hated it," Midorima bluntly said.

"Hated what? How come I never heard of this story? Dai-chan! Tetsu-kun told a story and you didn't tell me?!" Momoi was ignored during the chaos that was unleashed on table 6.

Kuroko made no reaction, except to slurp more of his vanilla drink.

"It's okay, Kuro-chin. I liked it. It had eating," Murasakibara patted the other's head.

_'Why was he comforting him when Kuroko clearly had no reaction to the declaration? …but then, it _is_ Kuroko…'_

"Daiki is right. That story is perfect for a reminiscing time like this. Let's listen to it again," Akashi suddenly proclaimed, eyes gleaming.

"WHAT!? I… I never said anything like that!"

"Yes, let's listen to this. I wanna hear it! Since Dai-chan _never_ told me about this."

"Trust me, Satsuki. You wouldn't like it."

"Aomine-cchi! This is all your fault! You just had to bring it up!"

"Liar! I like _everything_ about Tetsu-kun!"

"Not this, you won't!"

"Yes, I will! Dai-chan's an idiot!"

"Akashi… I don't really think it's a good idea…"

"Aka-chin, can we just hear the eating part?"

"Who'd want to listen to that?!"

"Murasakibara-cchi! That's cannibalism!"

_'Cannibalism?! The heck?'_

"Akashi, please put the phone away. Cancer is advised to avoid phones."

"Yeah, Akashi. Listen to Midorima. We don't really want to hear it aga –"

"Silence, Daiki. Quit your whining, Ryota. Atushi, we're listening to the whole thing. Midorima, you have your good luck item. I think that'll beat a little bad luck, no? Kuroko, don't slurp. It's impolite," Akashi instructed like a strict dad. "Besides Satsuki agrees with me."

Aomine's jaws clamped shut. Kise stopped his panicking and sat down again. Midorima clutched his doll a little closer but otherwise said nothing. Kuroko stopped obnoxiously slurping loudly and drank normally. Momoi smiled brilliantly, unaware of the horrors she will have to face today.

Poor, unsuspecting Momoi Satsuki.

Murasakibara nodded. "Okay, Aka-chin ~"

_'How… how did – how come they listen to you?! Kise/Aomine/Midorima/Murasakibara never does! And why the heck was _Kuroko_ being loud? He's usually… not…'_

"Now –"

"What's this I hear? You guys are going to have a little story time?" Kagami stopped in front of their booth. "Oh and here. I forgot to give you this, Kuroko." He set a vanilla shake between the towering mountain of teriyaki burgers and the hills of various snacks.

"Thank you, Kagami-kun."

Everyone at table 6 stilled.

Murasakibara stared at him before eyeing there tray stacked with cheeseburgers in the tall redhead's hands. He seemed to decide something before looking away and munching on again.

Midorima looked down to the notebook that he was carrying, presumably to see what Oha Asa said about Leos. He'd usually check his phone but, he was advised not to be around them.

Aomine scowled harshly and stared at his rival with hard eyes, probably wishing that the other disappear.

Satsuki tilted her head curiously.

Kise regarded Kagami with a variety of expressions. It went from surprise to giddiness to confusion then fidgety anxiousness then to a pout that quickly changed to jittering bouncing up and down in his seat then biting his lip worriedly. Then he glanced at his captain and back at the new intrusion. He rapidly glanced back and forth between them like a ping-pong match with eager anticipation on his face. Then he froze onto a pale, blank face across him, looking quite like a deer in the headlights before a look of wonder and realization replaced it. All in all, a wide variety of expressions.

"What are you doing here? You're a mere outsider."

"Nah uh," Kagami pulled a chair over and pushed some things aside for his tray. "I'm Kuroko's partner. I'm not a 'mere outsider', as you put it."

"Na, Akashi-cchi! It's true, it's true! He with Kuroko-cchi, now!" the blond model explained like Akashi hadn't just played game against Seirin and witnessed it himself.

"He's quite annoying~" the purple haired giant of Yosen munched on some purple yam flavored pretzels with caramel dipping. "Should I crush him for you?"

"Quiet Atushi, Ryota. I know that," Akashi stared at the figure across him. "So you're with our Kuroko now."

It was a statement, not a question.

Midorima muttered something about Leo and Sagittarius not meeting eye to eye.

"Yeah."

"Tch. I'm still better though," Aomine muttered to himself.

"You lost to Kagami-kun once, Aomine-kun," Kuroko piped up from beside the ganguro.

"Argh!" Aomine clutched his heart at the sudden appearance, never mind the fact that the phantom was practically sitting in his lap and have been for the past 15 minutes or so. "Tetsu! I didn't lose to him! Okay, I did, but next time I won't! Because the only one that can beat me is me!"

"Oh! Oh! What about me?! I beat you!" Kise waved his hand around like a child waiting to be called on.

"Yeah, _once_. I'll get you next time!"

"Wait… that means that Aomine-cchi's catchphrase isn't true!"

"Yes. After all, Aomine-kun already lost _twice._"

"Tetsu!"

_'Ouch, that was just rubbing salt to the wound.'_

"Tetsuya, don't be cruel. Daiki, shut up. Ryota, don't realize things at random times. I'm trying to have a talk with Tetsuya's… _partner_ here," Akashi scolded. "Satsuki."

"Kagami Taiga. Physically, he's pretty impressive. Mentally, he's hotheaded and easy to temper. His worst subject is all, best subject is none. Overall, he's a bit like Ahomine. His –"

"OI!"

"OI!"

Satsuki merely gestured briefly as proof. "His teammates also calls him 'Bakagami'."

_'How the heck does she know that?! …wait, never mind. She's Momoi Satsuki, the _manager_ of the _Generation of Miracles_. Of course she knows.'_

"He _has_ been treating Tetsu-kun well, treating him with milkshakes. He jokes around with him and doesn't lose sight of him… quite as often anymore."

_'Treating him with milkshakes? What is he? A dog?!'_ A pause. _'Well, there_ is_ Nigou.'_

"He has maintained a healthy relationship with Tetsu-kun, although he might have communication issues at some point. After all, he _did_ go to America to train without warning. Their future could go downhill because of that. He cooks well, so there is no worrying of food poisoning if Tetsu-kun ate his food. …of course, I cook better."

Everyone who knew Satsuki sweat dropped at that. _'No you don't.'_

"He does have a large appetite that will need a big wallet to keep it full. He has a fear of dogs and that is an inconvenience around Nigou, Tetsu-kun's new dog and the Seirin team's mascot."

Kagami choked. "H-hey! That's personal! And Nigou's the one's that inconvenient!"

"Kagami-kun is cruel."

"Oi, oi! Kuroko? What – don't turn your face away from me!"

Satsuki nodded like that was proof of Kagami's inconvenience.

"I've heard enough. So… Kagami Taiga," the red haired captain lightly tested the words on his tongue. "You're with Tetsuya now."

"…yeah?"

_'…why does this sound like a boyfriend meeting a father for the first time? And didn't all the information that Momoi just rattled out sound like Kagami's personal information and habits?'_

"What do you think of him?"

Kagami blinked and took a few seconds to realize that Akashi was asking the other members of the Generation of Miracles, not him.

"He's a horrid, horrid man who just plans to – "

"Hmph. He's a Leo – "

"Bastard. If he thinks – "

"Hmm… not very –"

"Kagami-kun –"

"One at a time."

There was an immediate silence that all the teams' captains envy. If only they had a sixth of that authority, that'd be enough to at least control their aces. But of course, they don't have that. Because the universe was a complete bitch and Akashi was a greedy king that grabbed whatever power he could get.

"Ryota. Speak, you were first."

"What?! Akashi!"

"Was is not you who said first comes, first serve? Daiki, are you going back on your own words?"

That shut the tanned teen up real quick.

"Yay! Listen, listen, Akashi-cchi! Kagami-cchi's real bad! I mean, yeah, I acknowledged him, but it's only as basketball players, you know. He's going to completely take Kuroko-cchi away from me! I mean, us! And he's sooo aggressive! Like what's up with _that_?! Pent up sexual frustrations?! And he overreacts _soooo_ much. Like, it's okay – "

Needless to say, Kagami choked multiple times on that and spewed out what was left of his chewed up burger.

_'Like you're one to talk, Mr. Over-reactor.'_

"Ew. See what I mean, Akashi-cchi? Like it's _okay_, if it's once in a while but he's always like 'UWAA! KISE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!' – notice the all caps – and he's _always_ grabbing Kuroko-cchi from me! Like, over-possessive much? I know he's your shadow now and shadows are supposed to, like, only belong to you but you can at least let a beautiful model hug the shadow!"

_'This… this isn't really making sense.'_

"KISE! What the hell are you saying?!"

"See? Kagami-cchi's always yelling at me! Kind of like Kasamatsu-senpai… but he's always, always, _always,_ yells at me. Like the time I hugged –"

"Tackled," Kuroko gave a small cough.

"-Kuroko-cchi and we fell onto the ground and then Kagami-cchi was yelling at me! Or like the time I surprised Kuroko-cchi and ended up knocking him out because we crashed into the wall. Or the time I saw Kuroko-cchi on the streets and hugged him. And then all my fangirls started glaring at him and started going after him. Kagami-cchi hit me that time! _Actually_ hit me! Like on the face! My gorgeous model face!"

_ '…you kind of deserve to be yelled and hit at…'_

Kagami spluttered incoherently. Why did the stupid blond make it sound like a husband hitting a wife?

Kasamatsu was sighing now, searching his pockets for the duct tape that he always kept at hand. He moved to get up.

"I was just standing there, you know, 'cause Kuroko-cchi suddenly disappeared and then there was like a whole bunch of screaming from the fangirls and then there was a whole stampede and there were high heels flying _everywhere_. And then there was Kagami-cchi's hand coming near my face and he _hit_ me! And there was also that time during that trip – remember that Kuroko-cchi? Anyways, I was just going to the convenience store and I saw Kuroko-cchi and Kagami-cchi! So I went to greet them and ended up knocking Kuroko-cchi's milkshake out of his hands."

There was a deadly silence from the Generation of Miracles and the Seirin team.

"And then Kagami-cchi was gone! Like _gone!_ And he came back with literally leaves sticking in his hair – um, unhygienic much? – and he had two milkshakes for Kuroko-cchi! Like, does he _think_ I'm poor?! That's an insult! I have tons of money from my modeling job! I could've gotten that milkshake for Kuroko-cchi!"

_'No, no, it was more like Kuroko would've punched you Cyclone Pass if Kagami hadn't rushed and bought him two new ones… he actually saved you…'_

"I could've bought Kuroko-cchi _ten_ milkshakes! No. Fifty! Like your two measly milkshakes were anything! And, and like the time I was in Maji Burger and I saw Kuroko-cchi and I was going to greet him but Kagami-cchi pulled me back! And he spouted some nonsense about _Kuroko-cchi_ being in a bad mood. Like, liar! Kuroko-cchi's _never_ in a bad mood. Like do you see him scowling like Aomine-cchi? Or threatening to crush everyone like Murasakibara-cchi? NO! He just punches you at random times when there's this weird black aura coming from him. Like the time –"

Yep. Definitely duct tape time. Kasamatsu had let his teammate ramble on for long enough now.

The Kaijou captain put the duct tape on table 6 with a sigh.

"Kise, you –"

There was a commanding voice slicing through the constant chatter that had moved on to criticizing Kagami's clothes.

"Ryota, I asked what you thought of him."

The words flowing from the blond's mouth stopped like a racecar that was almost going to crash into another and combust – which to say, it stopped _very_ quickly.

"Ah, yes!"

"Wait. And who might you be?" the red haired captain scrutinized Kasamatsu, who suddenly felt like a lab rat.

"Akashi-cchi! This is Kasamatsu-senpai! He's the Kaijou captain!"

"I… I just thought I'd bring this over since I know Kise usually rambles on and usually needs this to stop," the Kaijou captain awkwardly gestured to the duct tape.

"Sit, Kasamatsu-senpai! Sit!"

"Yes, sit Kasamatsu Yukio."

_'The heck! I didn't tell you my first name!'_ the Kaijou captain internally freaked out. Still, he couldn't disobey that command. There was something compelling about it.

The raven haired awkwardly brought a chair over and sat somewhere near where Kise frantically gestured. It was right at the border of the little bubble of the Generation of Miracles – the one that Kagami had just spontaneously joined. The captain awkwardly coughed.

Akashi glanced at the duct tape amusingly. "Ryota, your thoughts?"

"Huh? Oh yeah! Hmm… I'd say, kind of meh? I mean, he's nice _enough_ and Kuroko-cchi seems to like him… and he did beat me in basketball. I'd say he's okay. Good enough to be Kuroko's light." Kise nodded to himself, satisfied with his answer.

_'All that rambling was for _this?_ And why does this seem a lot like overprotective brothers giving approval to date their youngest sister?'_

"Shintarou? Your thoughts?"

"He's a Leo," the green haired man stated with a finality, like it'd explain everything.

_'What does that have to do with anything?'_

"Yes. And?"

"Aquarius and Leo's are compatible. Leo and Cancer are not though. Nor is he compatible with Sagittarius. Or with Libra, Virgo or Gemini."

_'No… that sounds too suspicious. No way Leo's just so conveniently on odd ends with all the signs of the GoM…'_

"But compatible with Aquarius, yes?"

There were a long pause before the bespectacled man looked away and grudgingly said, "Yes."

_'…what was that? He gives his approval by looking at the signs?!'_

"Daiki?"

"Like hell he's going to be Tetsu's light. Tetsu's _my_ shadow. I was there first. Tch."

"Dai-chan, Akashi-kun asked what you thought of him."

"I told him what I thought of that Bakagami."

"OI!"

"Dai-chan...," Momoi warned.

"Fine, fine," Aomine frowned and looked at Kagami to supposedly analyze him. "His light's dim. No, _was_ dim. It's growing stronger I suppose… and he could be a bit taller. Like 2 cm taller. And more lean and tan and have dark blue hair…."

_'What's with that? Isn't that just describing himself?'_

"He's not _that _bad, I suppose. His taste in burgers could be better and he's still a Bakagami. But he does buy Tetsu milkshakes so…."

_'No, no. Seriously, what's up with how they judge a person?!'_

"I see," Akashi nodded like everything the ganguro said made sense.

"Atushi?"

"He wouldn't believe that I could throw a snack onto a spinning basketball," the tall giant pouted.

_'First what the hell? Second, there's no way you could do that!' _everyone, apart from the Seirin and Yosen team who had seen it, thought.

"Aside from that?" Akashi patiently asked. The rest of the people in the restaurant were having a newfound respect for the red haired captain. He had the patience of a saint. It was bad enough having to deal with _one_ Miracle.

"Hmm, Muro-chin's friends with him. He's sort of brothers or something," Murasakibara drawled.

"That's personal!" Kagami cried out indignantly.

The Yosen player ignored him and shrugged nonchalantly. "He's okay. Could be better, like giving me snacks." He reverted his attention to Kuroko's hair. "So tiny and soft~"

"Get your hands off Kuroko! You'll crush him!" The ace of the Seirin team was ignored.

The rest of the teams looked on, like it was some fascinating show. This was even better than last week's episode of that T.V. show where that one girl ended up in the dumpsters, dragged out by a prince, started being his bodyguard and then finds out she's a princess of the opposing kingdom, runs away to the circus, learned how to walk a tightrope and then went back to the prince's side after he forcibly drags her away. Then there was that whole issue with the prince's sickly younger brother thinking she's his mom, being hated by the king and queen, accidentally getting into an arranged marriage with the opposing kingdom's general, falling in love with her half-sister but having to keep it a secret because lesbians/gays were executed at the time (bet you weren't expecting _that_ to happen). Then the prince gets exiled because of 'treason' and the general stumbles onto the princesses making out (lesbian porn). And the series was still on-going! When is it ever going to end?!

But back to the point. Yes, watching the Generation of Miracles was even better than the show that comes on every Tuesdays and Fridays.

"Tetsuya, you had something to say about Kagami Taiga?"

"Yes. I was going to say that Kagami-kun is sometimes mean to Nigou and I would like Kagami-kun to at least try to be a bit more open to him," Kuroko nodded.

_'Why the heck are you telling Akashi this?! Isn't this kind of like a child tattle telling on someone?'_

"I AM! I even tried to touch him once! You'd also be scared if some dog comes to you and hugs your leg all the time!"

There was a sudden silence at the declaration.

"Ah, it's that time of the year for him… Aida-san, I refuse to have him neutered," Kuroko called out to his current coach sitting a few tables away.

Riko looked up from where she was analyzing the Miracles' relationships. She squealed at the mention of Nigou, spinning and ended up at the Miracles' table. "Of course not! I want to see lovely, tiny copies of Nigou. I'll take in all of the puppies!"

Kagami blanched at the mention of more dogs. And to think the dog had been trying to hump his leg… fuck. He'd have to wash it fifty times with disinfectant. And repeat that a hundred times.

"And who might you be?" Akashi asked, turning his eyes onto the Seirin coach.

Riko faltered under the watchful eye before she's shaken out of her stupor by Hyuuga.

"Riko, you okay?" he asked, pulling her back a little farther from the table.

It was best not to mess with the Generation of Miracles. Well, unless you were Kagami.

"Yeah."

"That's Aida Riko, the Seirin team's coach, daughter of the Aida Kagetora who's currently a sports trainer and owns the Aida Sports Gym. He used to play for Japan's national basketball team, though. At first, she refused to coach the Seirin team but after a little of convincing from team, she agreed. She is skilled at making poisonous food, unlike me, but also at taking care injuries, as shown from when she bandaged Kiyoshi Teppei's injured leg," Satsuki explained, all business like.

The rest listened, half expecting her to pull out chart statistics or a video of Riko bandaging Kiyoshi's leg.

"Did someone call me?" Speak of the devil.

"_And_ Aida Riko is a B cup," Momoi added as an afterthought. Not so business like now.

There was dead silence. Riko narrowed her eyes at her. Hyuuga stopped trying to tug her back to their table and argue with Kiyoshi at the same time. Even Kiyoshi stopped trying to tease the captain.

"Well – "

There were snickers from some of the players in the store, groans from the large breasts loving group (including Aomine). Someone from the Kaijou area – Moriyama – yelled, "It's okay! I love all girls in general, flat or not!" It didn't really help the situation.

"Riko, calm down," Kiyoshi placated her.

"I can't just calm down," she hissed, her face bright red. "Wait a minute, since when were you here?"

"Just before Momoi announced your –oof!" the Uncrowned General was harshly elbowed by his captain. "I mean, just a while back."

"Why?" Kagami asked.

"I saw Hyuuga and Riko here and thought I'd join the party." He was all smiles and flowers, like he wasn't facing the legends of junior high basketball. Though to be fair, he was one too.

_'No, no. You don't really 'join the party' when it comes to the Generations of Miracles. Especially when they turn out to be sort of wackos.'_

"Oh and I heard my name."

_'You really don't just 'join them' because of something like that!'_

"Ah, Sei-chan, I was wondering –" A Mibuchi Reo appears out of nowhere!

_'Ack! Another one popped up!'_

"Ah!"

Hyuuga was suddenly yanked towards the pretty boy's side.

"Huh?"

"It's Junpei-chan~" Mibuchi hugged the bespectacled boy from behind.

"Wha – get off me!" Hyuuga immediately struggled like a fish out of water.

"Yeah! Get off him!" Kiyoshi yanked on his friend's arm. "Get your own glasses character! This one's mine!"

"Yea- wait what? Kiyoshi!" Hyuuga exploded.

"We're going to have a potty mouth around here," Kuroko reported, after seeing that the Seirin captain was in clutch mode. "Not that it matter anyways, since Aomine-kun is here."

"HEY!"

"Kiyoshi! Stop yanking on my fucking arm! Are you trying to rip it off you bastard?! And go sit down! Your knee's hurt and if you don't try to at least preserve it, it'll never heal and you'll end up having to walk with a clutch like a lame ass."

Kiyoshi stopped pulling the other's arm.

"And you! Who do you think you are, getting all touch-y touch-y like that? Just because you got a few shots past and have those fancy ass shots with those fucking ridiculous names, you think you can just come and get all buddy buddy with me, huh? And what's up with that nickname? Junpei-chan~? Are you fricking mental? My first name's reserved for people who're close to me, like my friends and grandmother! Fucking bastards like _you_ don't get to call me Junpei, you hear me?" he glared at the man behind him.

There was silence as everyone watched the shooting guard of Rakuzan to see how he'd react.

The man smiled and licked his lips sultrily. "Mm. I like it when they go commando on me, Junpei-_sama_~"

Everyone quickly realized that practically everyone here was male. Males who were watching this… this blatant display of vulgar seduction. Males that could be susceptible to this… this flirting. Who could suddenly become the prey of one Mibuchi Reo.

They suddenly turned away from where they were intently watching. The Generation of Miracles, that is. Mibuchi, Kiyoshi and Hyuuga just happened to be in the vicinity of their vision.

Hyuuga didn't know how to react. All he could think of was 'Holy fuck was he really gay? What the actual fuck?! What do I do?!'

"No way! You're not defiling Hyuuga in front of me – I mean, us! The whole Seirin team!" Kiyoshi had the bespectacled man in his arms in a flash.

And to think Junpei was just trying to get their coach out of the danger zone. He quickly got out of Teppei's grasp, elbowing him harshly in the process. He grasped Riko's shoulder from where she was frozen after watching Reo's display.

"You – this is all your fault," he hissed. Remember, he was still in clutch mode. "If you hadn't –"

"Um, Hyuuga?"

"What Izuki? If it is some god awful pun, I swear I will bench you for –"

"I was just going to say that it's coach you were talking to," Izuki, who had come up just now, said. He was slightly hurt. His puns were not 'god awful'.

"Wha – oh, shit," the other's eyes widened. Clutch mode or not, he couldn't beat coach.

"Hyuuga-_chan_, triple training for you. And you're coming to the Aida Sports Gym to endure some of Dad's training," Riko smiled saccharinely.

"Riko – I was just –"

"Sorry, can't hear you. Now, I heard something about Nigou?"

"What were we talking about? Before we got into Tetsu's dog trying to have sex with Bakagami's leg," Aomine blurted out.

Everyone realized that they had gotten totally off topic – what were they – the Generation of Miracles – talking about again?

"I believe that it was about Tetsuya's story," Akashi reminded, reaching for his phone.

"NNNNOOOOO, AKASHI-CCHI!" Kise lunged for the phone, only to be shooed away with a pair of red scissors that came dangerously close to his bangs.

"NO! FUCK! I mean, the topic after that! Akashi, don't do it!" Aomine was a bit more wary and threw a teriyaki burger at the device. It was quickly caught and thrown back to the tanned ace's face and would've splattered all over if not for a pale hand that directed its path to Kagami's towering pile. Kagami hurriedly snatched it out – a teriyaki burger was _not_ going to mix with his awesome cheeseburgers, dammit! – and threw it off. The poor burger bounced off Momoi's boobs before landing in Kise's lap, quickly being soaked with his crocodile tears before it was picked up by a taped hand and thrown to a nearby trash can.

SCORE! Of course it would, this was Midorima Shintarou, the shooting guard of the Generation of Miracles.

"Akashi, I don't think it will be wise to open you cell phone. Cancer is said to avoid cell phones. And Sagittarius's are said to have bad – " Midorima snapped his mouth shut. "Sagittarius are said to be the top of the top." He looked away.

_'He can't lie about Oha Asa horoscopes…'_

"Ne, Aka-chin, I don't really want to listen…"

"YES! TETSU-KUN'S STORY!"

Akashi ignored all the outbursts from his former teammates. Regarding Kagami, he said, "Oh, and Kagami Taiga, we are not done discussing the issue about you being Tetsuya's… light."

_'Why do I feel like he was going to say 'boyfriend'?'_

"Now, let us listen to Tetsuya's story."

Kuroko sipped his milkshake – wait, that was a new one. How'd he get that one without any of them noticing?

"Akashi, I don't think that everyone can hear with only the speakers from your phone," he offered his input.

"TETSU/KUROKO-CCHI!"

"Ah, that's true. We will just have to use the shop's speakers. This way everyone can hear," he glanced around to everyone who was staring at them. Most looked away in embarrassment. Not that they needed to. Akashi knew everything.

The Rakuzan captain stood up and squeezed his way out of the booth to threaten – ahem, _persuade_ the cashier girl to let the use the speakers.

"Look what you've done, Tetsu! Not only do we have to listen to your story, but this time it's with loud speakers!" Aomine scowled and it would be a lie if the onlookers said he didn't shiver a little.

"Kuroko-cchi! You have to hug and comfort me!" Kise leaned over the table, desperately trying to reach Kuroko. He was pushed away by the Touou's ace.

"It's… it's a good thing I have my lucky item," Midorima clutched his doll, to the point where his knuckles turned white and the doll was about to break.

"Is Shin-chan scared?!" Takao popped up from nowhere. It was suddenly easier to get into the Generation of Miracles' circle after the whole incident with Mibuchi (who was still in an argument defiling about Hyuuga/Junpei-chan with Kiyoshi), Hyuuga, Kiyoshi and Riko.

"It's just a story, right? Why are you people reacting like this?' Kagami asked with his mouth full.

"Because you haven't heard Kuroko-cchi's story!"

"It's a story. Made by _Kuroko_. How bad could it be? It was probably about… vanilla milkshakes and being invisible or something."

"Tetsu-kun's story. Tetsu-kun's story," Momoi chanted, bouncing excitedly in her seat. The action, of course, drew attention to her voluptuous chest.

There were mutterings from all the teams.

"Kuroko's story?" Seirin team wondered if it was the Teiko story. But why would Akashi broadcast that?

"Why the heck do we have to listen to that?" someone from the Rakuzan side complained. Or it might've been from Yosen.

"It might be fun. We can see what kind of person he is. Then we'll break him." Everyone shivered from the tone of Hanamiya. Why the heck was Kirisaki Daichi still here?!

"Kuroko _is_ interesting." Imayoshi was seriously creepy.

Oh, if only they knew the horrors they were agreeing to witness.

Static crackling from the speakers, stopped all murmuring. Akashi came back to the table with a remote that he probably bullied out of the cashier girl. She was nowhere to be seen now.

"Let's start," he said, once he had settled in his spot.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Thank you for the drink."_

**_Aomine_**_: "So, are you going to start, Tetsu?" _

**_Kuroko_**_: "I need a prompt."_

**_Aomine_**_: "Women!"_

**_Kise_**_: "What?! But Kurok – "_

**_Midorima_**_: "That's such a stupid – "_

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Ne, Kuro-chin, do one about foo – "_

**_Aomine_**_: "No way! Wome –"_

**_Akashi_**_: "Children, calm down."_

Silence…

_'The prompt is women? _Kuroko's _going to make a story about _women_?'_ There was disbelief everywhere because this was the mild mannered Kuroko they were talking about. Who didn't really give a shit about dating or women (dammit! Why can't Momoi pick someone else?! Someone who'd actually appreciate her big boobs!).

This was going to be interesting.

Momoi blushed at the prompt. She stared moony eyed at the phantom boy. "I wonder if it's going to about me," she sighed dreamily.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Should I start now? Yes? Okay, once a upon a time –" _

**_Aomine_**_: "Oh come on! Be a bit more original, Testu! Start with something else."_

"What's with all these interruptions?" someone grumbled. Why do _they_ have to listen to this with a whole bunch of interruptions of the Generation of Miracles being all friendly with each other? (Some people just need to get themselves a girl and get some.)

Aomine groaned into his hands. "I should've never said that…"

"It's all your fault!" Kise mumbled.

"Ah, I'm sorry. This is the other version. I will go change it so it's only the story version," Akashi stood.

Simultaneous cries of "NO!" came from a certain copycat and the Touou ace.

Midorima coughed. "I think this is fine."

"At least we might be able to breathe or run to the bathroom to throw up during intermissions," Kise whimpered.

"All right then. For your sake, Ryota."

_'What exactly did we get into?'_

**_Kuroko_**_: "Somewhere over the… rainbow of miracles… lived about 40 million to 1.2 billion people. They've lived there for their whole life, training for a very important mission in their life."_

"What….?" Most of the audience reacted like this.

_'Wait a minute… is Kuroko somehow, in a roundabout way, insulting his own team? 'Rainbow of miracles'…' _

"I told you! It's _Kuroko's_ story. It's probably about hobbits or something like that. Women hobbits," Kagami smirked in triumph.

Aomine and Kise were not listening, clutching their ears and muttering "It's happening again. It's happening all over again."

Murasakibara wasn't even paying attention to his surroundings, trying to feed the cyan-haired boy something that _looked_ like a potato chip but the coloring was purple. He wasn't trying particularly hard as he popped the chip right into his mouth the second the phantom boy refused.

Momoi was now scolding Kise and Aomine. "It's not going to be bad, Dai-chan! Ki-chan too! Stop crying crocodile tears! You're insulting Tetsu-kun!"

Midorima was looking a bit paler, trying his hardest not to look at anything in particular. He settled for gripping his doll extra hard (Kagami was pretty sure he heard the doll's arm snap) and staring up at the ceiling.

Akashi looked extra smug and emperor like. The remote in his hand suddenly looked like an object of absolute power, like a specter of a king or King Arthur's Excalibur. Something like that, though to be fair, it looked more… evil.

Kuroko slurped his 4th milkshake (when did he get that?!) and showed no emotion that would help the others figure out what was wrong with the story. No smile, grimace or even a maniacal cackle.

**_Aomine_**_: "Whoa, really? Is it basketball? Are they going to take on the NBAs?" _

Many snorted. Typical basketball idiot.

**_Kuroko_**_: "No. It's a story about going a mission that they trained for their whole life."_

As deadpan-y as ever.

**_Akashi_**_: "Yes, continue, Tetsuya."_

Many started feeling sorry for Akashi. After all he was the one who had to control the idiotic lot. But then again, this was Akashi Seijirou they were talking about. It was probably as easy as… placing the next shogi piece on the board or something. Whatever he found easy – which was probably everything, anyway.

On second thought, pity should be reserved for themselves; the people who can't get a girl, failing every subject in school, lost a lot of matches etc. Being used on someone like Akashi was a waste (not to mention, if he ever found out, their eyes were going to be on scissor-pikes).

**_Kuroko_**_: "The men are all prepared to go on a specialized mission that only they can go on. No one else can go on the mission as they are not the right kind."_

"Wait, so what kind of mission is it?" Takao piped up from his spot on the floor between Kasamatsu and Kagami.

Aomine raised his head and started laughing. It was a laughter of a madman, not the oh-so-funny-oh-god-help-me-my-guts-hurt kind. There was a desperate edge to it and frankly, it scared the wits of half the people in the shop. Aomine was a bastard who wasn't desperate for _anything._ He held pride in the fact that he could beat up people and beat even more in basketball. He didn't do _desperate_.

…okay, maybe except for the newest issue of Horikita Mai. And that time when Momoi chased him around school with her food… and the time he got captured in a chicken coop… and the time he was stuck in the classroom with a beehive…. Aomine Daiki didn't do desperate, _usually_.

And the Touou ace being desperate about Kuroko's story? That didn't bode well.

"I wish it was. I wish all of it was just basketball. That Kuroko-cchi was still a cute, pale, small, tiny, lovable, plush-doll-like…." And the list just goes on and on. "…innocent Kuroko-cchi. But alas! The world is cruel and the lady doth above, also known as Fate, has not granted thine's wish. Why must thou be so cruel to thee?!" Kise was crying rivers.

_'What the heck just happened? Why is he suddenly in a Shakespearean play?'_

**_Kise_**_: "Kind?" _

**_Kuroko_**_: "Yes. They are not specially… trained for this. That's why. Continuing on before Kise-kun so rudely interrupted me."_

_'They're not the right 'kind'…?'_

**_Kuroko_**_: "One day, the mountain they were living in rose up, entering a dark, tight space. It was like a black hole swallowing the mountain whole."_

"What mountain?" everyone chorused.

Kuroko slurped his milkshake in response. Was that his way of saying 'Fuck you'?

**_Kise_**_: "Mountain?"_

**_Kuroko_**_: "Yes, because they live deep in an open mountain, round with a hole on the top. They can come and go from this hole, though none has gone out."_

"Oh."

"This story has poor planning," Hayama suddenly declared.

"Oh, like you could do any better. You don't have any muscles," Nebuya snorted.

"I can! I can prove it!"

There was a minor scuffle at the Rakuzan booth.

**_Kise_**_: "Eh? Why won't they go out? Isn't it lonely to stay cooped up in one area?"_

**_Kuroko_**_: "Kise-kun, please don't interrupt. I'll lose my train of thought." _

**_Akashi_**_: "Ryota, if you don't shut up for the next 5 minutes, I'll have to use my scissors." _

**_Kise_**_: "Uwaah! So mean!" _

_'OH. So _that's _how Akashi controls them,' _the teams collectively shivered.

Kasamatsu was deep in thought. _'Doesn't Kise seem like he gets bullied a lot there? …wait this is Kise we're talking about. It's sort of justified….'_

**_Kuroko_**_: "The space they entered was dark and moist, like a cave. It was tight but all the men in the mountain knew that they had to prepare for battle. They had to prepare for the worst because anything could happen during this mission. Their very important mission that they've been preparing for their whole life."_

_'We know. You don't have to keep repeating it.'_

"I told you! He's totally copying off the Hobbit! Women hobbits here we go!"

Kagami was met with a slight twitch of a sky blue eye and intense staring – meaning he was met with a dark glare, Kuroko style.

**_Aomine_**_: "Wait a minute. Where's all the women? All I'm hearing is about men, Tetsu!" _

**_Kuroko_**_: "Please don't interrupt. You'll see later on if you just keep on listening."_

_'That is true… we're not hearing anything about women.'_

**_Aomine_**_: "The prompt was women! I want hot, sexy women with big boobs!"_

**_Midorima_**_: "So vulgar."_

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Ne, ne, Aka-chin. Can I buy more snacks?" _

**_Akashi_**_: "Atushi, please wait and finish these snacks first."_

_'He's actually kind of like a mother… kind of nice…' _the Yosen team thought. It wasn't easy dealing with Murasakibara.

**_Akashi_**_: "Anyone else who interrupts will be doing five times the training for a month, even on weekends."_

_'Or not.'_

Another collective shiver went up all of their spines. Being basketball players, they knew how hard double training was, let alone triple.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Thank you Akashi-kun. As I was saying, the men prepared for their very important mission. They are prepared to go out of their mountain. As soon as the first one prepared to step out, they heard gigantic voices. It seems that someone above is yelling."_

**_Akashi_**_: "Tetsuya, I do not think that something such as 'someone above' exists."_

"Someone above…"

"God?!"

"Oh my god! I knew it! I had a dream about it last night! There was this really scary god and –"

"Shut up! No one cares!"

"I think it's some dude who climbed out of that mountain… like the first man on Everest or something."

"Sei-chan doesn't believe in gods…"

"Giants?"

**_Kuroko_**_: "I was merely talking about giants. The giants were being inconsiderably loud. The men who were on a mission panicked, hearing the great voices boom above their mountain and went into a frenzy, escaping out of their homes hurriedly. They swarmed into the cavern like a swarm of ants."_

"I called dibs on giants! Pay up!"

"We didn't even make a bet!"

"Actually, if you look over to the Yosen, Touou and Kaijou side, they already have a betting pool set up."

"HOLY MOT –"

"Where are _they _coming from?"

"Is it going to be like the Attack on Titans?"

"You mean that manga on naked cannibals?"

"It's not just naked cannibals, you idiot!"

"Oh please, that book's got naked cannibals every other page."

"Who invited you?! Go back to your section!"

**_Kise_**_: Wait, wait, Kuroko-cchi! But didn't you say that they were really well trained? Why would they panic then?" _

**_Akashi_**_: "Ryota, it hasn't even been 2 minutes yet. If you do it again, I can't guarantee that you'll get away unscathed."_

**_Kise_**_: "Eek! Yes sir!" _

**_Kuroko_**_: "Kise-kun, please don't question aspects of my stories and make plot holes. And Akashi-kun, may I have another milkshake?" _

There was a shaking of an empty cup.

_'He was bribed into telling a story with milkshakes…' _everyone realized. The Seirin team took note of it.

**_Aomine_**_: "Wha – Tetsu! How'd you finish it that fast? You usually have no appetite!" _

**_Akashi_**_: "All right then, Tetsuya. Midorima, go buy him another one." _

Silence for a moment.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Thank you Midorima-kun."_

"Totally bribed," Kenichi Okamura muttered under his breath.

"You can be bribed too, you muscle gorilla with bad haircut and sideburns," his teammate, Kensuke Fukui commented. The Yosen captain broke out into tears.

"I'm so unpopular! Even though I'm in the captain of the basketball team! Why is basketball unpopular?"

He really should not have said that in a room full of basketball players, himself included.

"Himuro can get a girl. He's in the basketball team," Fukui beat the others who would've protested against the comment.

"Basketball has nothing to do with thy's unpopularity. Thou is just too unpopular and uncool by thou-self. Thou is just so… unappealing to all the girls. Thou cannot hope to compete with the likes of Himuro," Wei Liu, another Yosen player rattled off, face expressionless.

The captain burst out into more tears.

_'Cruel. No mercy at all.'_

**_Kuroko_**_: "So all the men in the mountain went into the humid cavern prepared with all the gear. However, not even 20% of these well prepared adventurers made it past the front door. They were all burned and melted to death by acid that surround the front gate."_

"THEY'RE NOT WELL PREPARED AT ALL!"

"WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!"

Kise sobbed into his arms pathetically. "Here it comes… My poor ears! Poor men in the story!"

"Um… this is still really good, Tetsu-kun! I… I like the story!" Momoi stuttered unconvincingly.

"Thank you, Momoi-san," the storyteller said.

Kagami choked on his burger. Aomine blanched, holding his stomach, thinking about the story. Even the normally stoic Midorima winced. Only Murasakibara kept munching on. There were various displays of reactions.

Some, who thought Kuroko was, you know, not the type to kill of any characters looked at him in wonder. Some of the more sadistic ones smiled at the deaths. The whole Seirin team was looking at him in new light because whoever heard of death by acid? From _Kuroko_.

**_Kise_**_: "What?! They died?!"_

**_Aomine_**_: "Wha – Tetsu! If you're going to kill them of, do them in a cooler fashion! At least have a variety of methods. I mean, this is 20% of the… what was it again? 40 million to 1 billion people. That's… a lot of people." _

_'The heck was that?! Aomine's sadistic?!' _

Aomine moaned. "I should not have said that. I should not have said that. I am not a smart man."

**_Midorima_**_; "Have some common sense, would you?'_

_'Phew, common sense guy is here. That's right. The story's just a _little_ bit weird,' _everyone sighed in relief. Midorima was there and he'd make sure that they story's not a weird ass one.

**_Midorima_**_: "It's 240000000, providing that we're going with the number of 1.2 billion people. As expected, you can't even do a simple math equation"_

"SHIN-CHAN! Where's _your_ common sense?"

"It's common sense to be able to do a simple equation!" the bespectacled man snapped in his defense.

_'Nope. We take back our statement. After all, he _is_ part of the GoM. Not a shrewd of common sense left.'_

**_Kuroko_**_: "Some of the 240000000 people were burned with acid, melting into puddles of bubbly blood, bones, tongues and eyeballs. Others were simply beheaded by the front gate guards who had poured acid onto them. It was a massive carnage. Heads rolled off to the darkest corners and laid there forgotten. Eyeballs and guts were squished as their comrades ran past, intent on getting to the next stage. Someone coughed up clots of blood into the face of a guard, only to get squished up like a bug by the guard's giant hands. I'm pretty sure a lung came up there. The floor was a bloodbath and one had to be careful to not step on the puddles, less it be the acidic remains of their friends and the erosive fluid started melting them too."_

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!"

"KUROKO?!"

"WHAT THE HECK WAS _THAT?!"_

"UWCK! I think I'm going to be sick!"

"Dammit man! Go hurl outside!"

"I don't feel like eating anymore."

"Ah, so scary! Hold me Junpei-chan~"

"NO! Die, pretty bastard!"

"Yeah! Hyuuga's mine – I mean, Seirin's!"

"Kiyoshi, get off!"

"Junpei-chan called me pretty!"

"AWESOME! Just like in video games!"

"Heh, I knew it. Kuroko's _interesting_."

"Oh, the little lamb's a surprise."

Time to move away from Imayoshi, Hanamiya and that random guy who was addicted to video games.

Wait – isn't that the homeless man who lives around the corner? No basketball player in here would be addicted to video games (okay, except Aomine); they've got too much training to do. Not to mention, they were still healthy young boys who are not insane enough to yell out a positive response to _that_, thank you very much.

Dafuq, dude? Homeless men shouldn't even have video games to play…

"…Tetsu-kun?" Momoi stared at her crush with wide eyes.

"Kuroko?" Kagami stared in disbelief. _That _was his shadow telling the story? Are you sure it wasn't Akashi holding scissors at neck point and forced him to read out a script or something?

"It's all Aomine-cchi's fault!"

"Hey! I just… I didn't do anything!"

"LIAR! Aomine-cchi started this whole thing and you were the one who said to 'make it more creative'!"

"AHOMINE!" came a chorus of indignant cry from everyone. That damn bastard started _this_! They got out of their seats to strangle him, not looking unlike medieval townspeople who were out to get witches.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Once you've stepped on acid, you can't escape, you know."_

They froze in their spots, halfway out of their seats.

"WHAT'S UP WITH THAT EXPLAINATION?!"

**_Aomine_**_: "…damn Tetsu. I said make it a bit more creative, not tell us about your goddamn evil fantasies to murder everyone on the planet and write a book about it!" _

"YOU THINK SAYING THAT WILL GET YOU OUT OF TROUBLE?!"

"I DIDN'T DO A GOD DAMN THING! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

**_Kise_**_: "Waah! What about their comrades? Aren't the rest of the 80% going to help them?" _

**_Kuroko_**_: "Kise-kun, sometimes in life, it's every man for himself." _

"Wait… so does this mean, everything you said about teamwork and all that shit back then was a lie?" Kagami demanded.

Kuroko coolly met his eyes, sipping his 6th – or was it 7th – milkshake. "Kagami-kun, I said, _sometimes in life_. One's lifetime is a very long time and sometimes means it only occurs occasionally."

Damn him, his logic and his expressionless face!

_ **Midorima**: "Tch. Acid doesn't work that way, you know. It takes some time to eat away a person's skin. A bloodbath like that should not be over in a matter of seconds." _

"DUDE!"

"SHIN-CHAN! What have you been studying?!"

**_Kuroko_**_: "Of course, forgive me, Midorima-kun. The battle didn't end in a matter of seconds. It was dragged out for quite some time and it was complete chaos as the rest of the men rushed past to get to their goal. Let's say… it lasted about 30 minutes to 45?"_

"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO REPLY TO _THAT!_"

"Time for an experiment…" The rest aren't really sure which one said it, Imayoshi or Hanamiya. They were both looking equally positively giddy. Probably Imayoshi. He looked like the one to be about experiments. He had the glasses after all.

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Ne, Kuro-chin~ Can you add something about eating to the story? I wanna see something being eaten." _

_Sounds of munching. _

"NO!" Many in the vicinity of the table lunged for the purple haired's mouth, knocking over empty cups of vanilla drinks. Empty cups, thank god.

"Hm? I didn't say anything?" Atushi cocked his head, stopping mid chew. "Ah, Muro-chin! I like this one!" He held up a potato chip bag: steak, seaweed and cottage cheese flavored.

Himuro smiled shakily, looking a bit sick at the mention of food. "Yeah. I'll buy you more of that."

**_Kuroko_**_: "Of course, Murasakibara-kun. I'll be sure to include your favorite activity."_

"NO!"

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Yay~ Kuro-chin's the best."_

"NOT YAY!"

**_Kuroko_**_: "Continuing on. - " _

"DON"T!"

"Oh, yes, continue on."

**_Aomine_**_: "Are you going to create a massacre again, Tetsu?"_

_ **Kise**: "No Kuroko-cchi! Don't!" _

**_Kuroko_**_: "-the rest of the men on the mission went ahead to the next stage. They started trekking uphill, fine for a while. It was after a while that they start having effects of dementia. Some of them went the wrong way, getting trapped in small openings that they somehow miraculously, foolishly, in fact got into."_

**_Aomine_**_: "How does that even work?! Tetsu!"_

"EXACTLY!"

"I'm sure it could work."

"Wouldn't it be fun to try it out?"

There was now a wide circle around Imayoshi and Hanamiya, who were now both discussing the methods of killing. Well, they _did_ go to middle school together….

**_Akashi_**_: "Daiki."_

**_Kuroko_**_: "More and more men separated from their original path, going off into dead ends that often had traps in them. For example, there was a group of men who turned right into a tunnel. They were soon killed when spikes protruded out of the wall an impaled them. There were no survivors. There was another tunnel that had a set of bombs that would go off if there were intruders in it. These bombs set off another set in another tunnel and both groups simultaneously died. Numerous of these infinite tunnels had guards, not unlike the triangle head guy in the Silent Hill movie that Aomine-kun made me watch and many of these specially trained men were beheaded, before get their whole skin ripped off." _

Pause_. _

**_Kuroko_**_: "Should I continue? Aomine-kun is looking a bit green."_

**_Aomine_**_: "Who wouldn't be?! You're even copying off gruesome killings off horror movies! You've made me lose my appetite, Tetsu! I'm gonna be sick."_

"NO, YOU SHOULD NOT CONTINUE!"

"Oh yes, please continue."

"_Everyone's_ looking green!"

"Dai-chan lost his appetite… Tetsu-kun? Akashi-kun? Muk-kun? Midorin?" Momoi called out like a lost child.

"Eh? What about me, Momo-cchi?! Why don't you call out to me?!" Kise perked up like a dog. Like a golden retriever whose owner just came home.

_'That's not what you should really be noticing right now! Go back to your crying!'_

Kasamatsu hit him on the head, the other hand clamped shut over his own mouth, lest he should vomit. Moving was not a good idea…

"HELP! Sakurai's gone into shock! He's malfunctioning."

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so – NO I'M NOT SORRY! I'm not sorry at all! This is all you bastards' fault! BITCHES!"

All the players stared at the usually timid player. Wakamatsu promptly punched Ryo in the head. He collapsed under the blow.

Everyone stared at the blond. "It had to be done…," he defended himself.

"Testu! You made Ryo malfunction!"

"Aomine-kun is mean. Sakurai-san is not a robot," Kuroko slurped his milkshake.

_'What about the part where _your_ story turned him insane?!' _

**_Kise_**_: "Kuroko-cchi! How mean, killing off all of those men. Do you have a grudge against men or something?!" _

_'He definitely does…'_

**_Midorima_**_: "Hmph. Kuroko, are you sure that these men were specially trained. Or even trained at all? They seemed awfully unprepared." _

**_Kise_**_ **and** **Aomine**: "That's not something you should be noticing right now!" _

**_Midorima_**_: "Maybe their mission is to suicide?" _

"UWAAH! My Shin-chan turned out to be insane! Just like the rest of them!"

"I'm not insane!"

**_Kuroko_**_: "Please don't poke plot holes like Kise-kun. If there are any complaints, please direct them to Aomine-kun, as he was the one that requested this story and gave the prompt," the phantom sixth player paused from his sipping of his third milkshake."_

"But there's too many plot holes!" Hyuuga roared, fighting off Mibuchi and Kiyoshi, who in turn were whacking each other with fish sticks, chicken nuggets, French fries and shooting ketchup and mustard at each other.

So Junpei likes to read/listen to a good story with an actual good plot. So sue him. He had the glasses – he'll win all the cases.

He ignored the mess behind him and the cries of "Junpei-chan! Ack!" and the sound of someone falling – who, he didn't want to know. They probably slipped on the condiments. Serves them right.

Now, usually, boys being boys, not to mention, basketball players who liked to get rough and tough, some of them would've jumped right into a meaningless food fight. Even more so since there was no staff in the shop to stop them. Except this was a totally _not_ a non-meaning less – more of a who-gets-to-hug-Hyuuga-Junpei-more fight.

Basically, the rest of the players watched in horror, astonishment, alarmed panic – and was that glee – as Mibuchi Reo and Kiyoshi Teppei had a catfight. And yes before anyone asks, it was the complete set with hair pulling, foot stomping and clawing at each other's face (though to be fair, they also pulled a few punches to prove their masculinity… pfft. What masculinity? That was washed down the drain ages ago.)

Kuroko disregarded his captain and the fight with blank eyes, though there may or may not have been a glimmer of wonder and amusement. "As I said before, please take up the complaints with Aomine-kun. He was the one who started it."

Like a switch flipped, everyone remembered that the stupid ganguro started all of this. They lunged for him.

To their surprise, they found Kagami blocking their way. "Whoa, whoa. Let's not commit homicide at this. I mean, I know he's an Ahomine but – "

"I agree. Meaningless homicide isn't good," Imayoshi spoke up as a voice of reason. "This would be a good time test out the methods that Kuroko described." Or not. His glasses _were_ glinting ominously.

"Oh, look, Aomine-kun. Kagami-kun cares about you."

"Shut up Tetsu! I don't need your help, Bakagami!"

"Look, you guys even have cute nicknames for each other," Kuroko continued in an offhanded manner.

"Ahomine," Satsuki whispered, staring at Kuroko in transfixed… what seems like horror but her eyes were starting to form hearts the more she stared. Was she even listening to the story at all?

Riko, who had disappeared to the bathroom once the killing started, sat in one corner and cried. "My Kuroko-kun. The cute Kuroko-kun who was the perfect partner for my adorably cute Nigou. I can't believe this. First he goes on a serial killing spree and now he's being dragged into the _other_ world! He's even shipping his two lights. Uwaah!"

"Is it not slightly weird that the recording stopped whenever we start talking?" someone next to Riko said.

"Wait, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

"ARGH! It's the homeless man down the street! He peeped into the girl's bathroom!"

"Get the hell out of here!"

"Muscle throw!" Congratulations! Nebuya had acquired the award 'Meanest Jerk Who Throws Old Homeless Men Out'! Never mind the fact that said homeless man was slightly crazy and actually _liked_ Kuroko's story and was able to be sane during it. Never mind the fact that Imayoshi and Hanamiya was also still sane (or still insane) and also liked the story.

Oh, the unfairness of the cruel world.

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Ne, Kuro-chin. What about the eating? You still haven't included it in your story."_

"NOOOOOO-" Dramatic, slow motion 'no's ensued.

"FU –"

**_Kuroko_**_: "Right. As the team progressed, there were more severe reactions to the dementia. Those who were affected started going against the others. Many of the unaffected died, also taking down the demented. There were many cases where the demented went 'starving' and proceeded to eat the flesh and guts of the dead. The blood and gore dripped from their mouths and many of them were shot dead by their own comrades as they got terrified."_

"The hell was that?!"

"This isn't a story! It's just relentless killings!"

"BOO! GoM suck!"

Apparently the players were pushed over the edge and started thinking this was some sort of show.

"You people will shut up, unless you want to meet your end right now," Akashi, who had been enjoying the show up until now, spoke up, scissors flashing.

Fear not! Akashi is here to pull them back up! Into the land of fear and tears, that is.

**_Kise_**_: "Murasakibara-cchi! Look what you did with the suggestion! Waah! I'm going to have nightmares of demented men trying to eat my beautiful model face!" _

**_Aomine_**_: "Tetsu! Don't you think that's going a bit too far?!"_

There was a sound of large thumping – probably someone slamming their hands on their table. Then… horrendous chewing noises.

"OH MY GOD! THE STORY CAME TO LIFE!"

"WE'RE ALL GONNA GET EATEN! AND BURNED IN ACID! AND WHATEVER ELSE WAS IN THERE!"

**_Akashi_**_: "Atushi, chew a bit more quietly."_

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Yes ~"_

The real Murasakibara smacked his lips, mindless of what was happening.

"Fools," Midorima muttered under his breath. Everyone heard it anyway.

"Oh."

"Fuck. That was embarrassing."

"No, no. We have another problem here," Okamura, Yosen captain, declared. "HOW THE HELL ARE YOU STILL EATING? BACK THEN AND CURRENTLY TOO!"

"Captain's logic is sooo astounding," Fukui drawled, sarcasm dripping off his words and forming a puddle on the floor.

Clap. Clap. Clap. "Thy's observation skills are truly magnificent," Wei Liu said in that emotionless voice that just made it worse.

"Did you say something?" Murasakibara turned to Kenichi.

"Dammit! No one respects me in this team!"

They can't just give their captain a break, can they?

"Muro-chin, can I have more snacks?"

Himuro mechanically handed him the other bags he had prepared. He was too much in shock to do anything else.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Aomine-kun never specified what kind of womanly story I should make up about." _

"This is not womanly!"

"Wait – why are we talking about womanly?"

"The prompt was women, you idiot!"

"It was?"

"I... at least I think so."

**_Akashi_**_: "That is true, Daiki. You don't really have a say in Tetsuya's story anymore. The story's fine." _

_'Of course it's fine for you. You're probably rolling in glee to making us hear this story. Just because we all gathered here by coincidence, you think we're your slaves now or something,' _everyone bitterly thought.

**_Kuroko_**_: "I'm back."_

"Ah, did you go get a milkshake? In the story, I mean," Imayoshi asked.

Kuroko nodded, sipping his 12th milkshake.

**_Midorima_**_: "That's faster than what you'd usually take."_

"Why are you people having a normal conversation like Kuroko didn't just make a whole bunch of people eat other whole bunch of people?! And Shin-chan! Why are you being like that?! I'm breaking up with you!" Takao declared, standing up from his position.

"Wha – what breaking up?"

"Wait, they're together?"

Whispers started.

"I'm never playing basketball with you again! You're not my partner anymore! Shin-chan, you… you… you cannibal!" the Hawk Eye ran with tears in his eyes to what he presumed was the door but was actually the girl's bathroom.

"_Oh_, so that's what he meant…."

Midorima sighed. "Takao, you emotional idiot." He stood up. "Akashi?"

"All right, you may go, Shintarou. You can still enjoy the story since there are speakers in the bathrooms too."

_'No mercy….'_

**_Kuroko_**_: "There were no other customers so it was easier to get the barista's attention. And where was I?"_

**_Akashi_**_: "Cannibalism."_

_'Don't say it in such a business tone!'_

**_Kuroko_**_: "Ah yes. Did you like that part, Murasakibara-kun. It had eating in it."_

"You don't like something like that!"

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Hmm. It had eating but it wasn't eating snacks so it was okay." _

"THAT WAS YOUR PROBLEM?! YOUR ENTIRE PROBLEM WITH THE WHOLE GODDAMN STORY?!"

**_Kuroko_**_: "Okay. Now then, let's continue."_

"What part of that was okay?!"

"Yeah! Fight him, Kuroko! He called your story trash."

Technically, they were the ones calling it trash, though. And the purple haired said it was 'okay' not 'trash'.

"Fight! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Clearly, they had all turned insane. Akashi made note that the 'Kuroko Story Time' method – dubbed just now – was a very effective way to get a clear win. The opponents would just be too muddled to do anything. And with his Emperor Eye, they will just freeze and bow to him and we will rise to victory! Mwahahaha!

**_Aomine_**_: "Goddammit, how long is this going to take, Tetsu?"_

**_Kuroko_**_: "Aomine-kun, you can't rush great pieces of work. The men got to the next stage where the dementia wasn't as strong. Some still trailed off and got exploded/impaled/beheaded but the rest still bravely marched onwards. The next obstacle was – "_

"What part of this story is great?!"

"Yeah! This sucks!"

They were met with a silent, slightly narrowed baby blue eyes that dared them to say any more.

**_Kise_**_: "Ooh, ooh! Let me guess! Is it… cooking? Or building a campfire and bonding with marshmallows? Or maybe even doing crafts to improve friendliness?"_

"How'd you come up with _that?_" Kasamatsu spun on the Kaijou ace.

"Yeah! Haven't you been listening to the whole goddamn poor excuse of a story?"

"Story? What story? This is a list of murders from the likes of serial killers like… like… Futoshi Matsunaga!"

"You know, that dude! Who killed a bunch of people with Junko. And controlled her whole family and what not!"

"OH! Why the heck do you know so much about the topic?'

"Uh…"

Meanwhile, in his own little corner of the booth, Moriyama cried. "I don't even know why he's so popular with girls. He's just a dumb blond…." He proceeded to recount the last mixer he'd been to no one in particular.

**_Aomine_**_: "You stupid copycat! Have you not been listening to the story?!" _

**_Kise_**_: "Waah! Ahomine hit me!"_

**_Aomine_**_: "Oi! Don't call me Ahomine!"_

**_Kise_**_; "Ahomine, Ahomine, Ahomine!"_

**_Aomine_**_: "Why you – Dumb blond!"_

Here, Moriyama started laughing hysterically. Many edged away from him and his ramblings of the mixer last week.

**_Kise_**_: "Wha – you – "_

A small cough sounded through the speakers.

**_Aomine_**_: "Tetsu, I didn't – "_

**_Kise_**_: "Kuroko-cchi! Don't get mad! That A –"_

Some of the guys snickered at how the two panicked. Looks like Akashi isn't the only one that can control them.

**_Kuroko_**_: "I shall continue the story, Kise-kun, Aomine-kun. Please don't interrupt and sit down quietly like the others are."_

Small pause. There were mumbles from Midorima and Akashi in the background. And the _still_ on-going munching from Murasakibara.

**_Kuroko_**_: "The next obstacle wasn't bonding time with each other – though I do kind of want to tell a little scene about some of the men going insane and cooking their teammates – it was to climb up a waterfall since they're heading up. The men started getting their equipment out, preparing to climb the slippery wall behind the giant waterfall. However, it wasn't easy to go through the water. Many men died from the immense pain of getting their private parts bit off by piranhas. Other were chomped in half by alligators, crocodiles or even trampled by a herd of wild hippopotamuses nearby."_

Another minuscule pause.

"Where are all these animals coming from?" Someone from the Touou side mumbled.

"What about penguins…?" Momoi asked, dazed. Not really the ideal phrase to be saying right now but, hey, she was a love struck girl listening to an atrocious story made by her beloved. Cut her some slack.

**_Kuroko_**_: "And pythons also squeezed some of the combatants to death."_

"KUROKO!"

"At least _pretend_ that you really aren't just telling creative ways to kill people off!" Kagami groaned. His remaining cheeseburgers went untouched.

**_Aomine_**_: "Don't make it sound like you're just trying to just find more ways to kill off people."_

_'Bakagami and Ahomine are way too similar….'_

**_Kuroko_**_: "Many succeeded in surviving through the water and climbed the wall, only to slip off when they misplaced a hand or a foot. Their equipment wasn't strong enough to hold them as they fell down to their doom, many breaking limbs and cracking heads against the jagged rocks below."_

**_Kise_**_: "Wait, wait! I didn't hear anything about jagged rocks!"_

"Damn right we didn't!"

**_Kuroko_**_: "Kise-kun, please don't interrupt. If you didn't hear about jagged rocks, they died on impact against the harsh, freezing water because gravity was a bitch and the rate of acceleration was too much for their bodies to handle."_

"Kuroko…?" Whoever heard of Kuroko using 'bitch'? Sure, he sometimes says 'piss off' but only occasionally. He was just so… polite and well mannered.

Well, everyone's got a skeleton in the closet.

**_Aomine_**_: "They died either way, didn't they?" _

**_Midorima_**_: "Maybe they're all Taurus. They're told to have bad luck today."_

Speak of the devil.

The green haired man stepped out of the girl's bathroom with a sniffling Takao at his side. Looks like they've resolved their little spat. Stupid bunch of idiots who escaped to the bathroom to not hear – oh wait, there're speakers in there too.

Never mind.

**_Aomine_**_: "It wouldn't matter if they're all born in May or born in September! They're on a suicide mission!"_

**_Midorima_**_: "Hmph. You've obviously never experienced the true power of Oha Asa. Anything Oha Asa says will come true, unless you have your daily lucky item like me."_

_'Only you would believe that…,' _everyone thought. They didn't dare voice it because Midorima was glaring at them and while the doll in his hands was plastic, they were pretty sure that it's pretty red stilettos were pointy enough to stab their eye out if thrown the correct way at the correct height to gain the rate of acceleration (Midorima Shintarou, shooting guard extraordinaire and Oha Asa loving freak never misses).

Like Kuroko said, gravity was a bitch.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Let's just please get back on track with the story. Only a handful of the original group of people survived the ordeals so far. The rest went ahead, dead bodies lying in their wake. They took no notice of tunnel becoming smaller and smaller. When it became too tight, some of the fatter ones in the front burst because of the compression. Only the thinner ones survived."_

"RIDCULOUS!"

"It's riddikulus."

"Harry Potter freak."

"Waifu loving otaku."

"Now he's just trying to make up the most ridiculous ways to kill off a person."

"That's not even possible."

"Would you like to try?" Imayoshi appeared out of nowhere with a creepy, creepy, _very_ creepy and did they mention creepy smile.

"Oh my god! Satan's spawn!"

"6666666666!"

"Help me! I'm going to end up like the guys in that movie!"

"What movie?"

"SAW!"

**_Aomine_**_: "Now you're just making up ridiculous ways to kill them all off. I bet the story's going to end with everyone dying." _

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Ne, Kuro-chin. This is getting boring. Is there a prize at the end?" _

"How was that boring?! How can you get bored with so many ways to – " Okay, it was official. This story is not good for Hanamiya's health. He looked like he was on cloud nine. Like he just had weed or something. He was in _ecstasy_. If one asked what pure happiness looked like, the answer would be Hanamiya listening to Kuroko's story.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Yes, there will be a prize." _

Aomine let out a loud groan. "Some prize it was…."

"Maybe the prize will be me. And Tetsu-kun will win and he'll get me! Because Tetsu-kun is a ninja!" Momoi giggled to herself. "And we have start dating and have pink and blue haired children. No, wait it might be purple! Wait, red and blue makes purple… Kagami-kun's trying to steal Tetsu-kun away from me! And they're going to make purple haired babies."

"How does that even work?" some wondered.

"I'm not! And what about Akashi? He's got red hair too…," Kagami trailed off, staring at the smirk that Akashi gave him.

Was that bastard challenging him? Or was it something like 'I already have Kuroko. And I had him before you, suck on that!' Okay maybe not in so many words like that. But something of the sort.

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Maybe it's the limited edition of Lays cinnamon-bun with raisins and cream cheese potato chips. Mm~"_

"Ew."

"How can you still think of food at a time like this/!"

"That one tasted pretty bad. It was okay but not really the best," Atushi reminisced.

"Of course it wasn't!" a chorus of indignant replies came immediately.

**_Kuroko_**_: "After the smaller ones got through the tight, blood splattered tunnel, they arrived onto a circular stairwell. There, many of the leftover men decided to sop and stay there, just in case the ones advancing forward need a backup. Half of the group went up the stairwell."_

**_Kise_**_: "You know… Murasakibara-cchi's kind of right. This is kind of getting boring."_

"KISE!"

"KISE FUCKING RYOTA! YOU BETTER HAVE NOT SAID WHAT I THOUGHT YOU SAID," Kasamatsu yelled.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Would you like me to kill the first group off and roll them down the stairs like bowling pins? I could set up some traps on the way." _

"Look what you started! You're as bad as Ahomine!"

"HEY!"

"I resent that comparison!"

**_Kise_**_: "Ah! No, no! That's not what I want! I meant, that it was a change of pace that they're surviving and half of them are not dead! Please don't kill them off after having them survive everything!" _

"YEAH! DON"T KILL THEM OFF!"

**_Akashi_**_: "Maybe make up some names. A story is always better with names." _

_'Oh dear god, they're going to get named and we'll get emotionally attached and Kuroko the evil phantom bastard's just going to kill them off!'_

The sound of paper flapping accompanied him.

"What was that?'

"Ah, Sei-chan was probably doing paperwork," Reo answered the question. Which was actually impressive since he was in some kind of wrestling clutch in Kiyoshi's arms. How would they know? They're basketball idiots, not WWE idiots.

Mibuchi was actually turning purple and Hyuuga wondered if he should stop them. But then again, the bastard would get all slimy with him and he didn't want that, especially with the ketchup stains on his once pristine white shirt and the mustard in his annoyingly long hair. It was his fault for dragging out the fight anyways.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Okay. The men went up one by one. The last one in line shall be named 'Steve'. Steve pitifully dragged himself up the spiraling staircase. He was tired and worn out, more so than the others because he was a pitiful man with no actual strength and only managed to survive all the way here by pure luck and because he used some of his dead friends as stepping stones when he crossed the river to climb up the waterfall."_

**_Aomine_**_: "Is it just me or does it seem like you hate Steve?" _

"YEAH! WHY DO YOU HATE STEVE?!"

"Steve's actually my name."

"ARGH! It's the homeless man again!"

"Ooh! Ooh! I'll throw him out this time!" Hayama volunteered.

"Attention seeker. You can't throw him out 'cause you ain't got any muscles," Nebuya argued.

"Can too!" the ginger-ish boy proceeded to kick the man in rags out the door. Another MVP for 'Meanest Jerk'!

**_Midorima_**_: "Steve must be a Capricorn. Aquarius and Capricorn are said to be on odds end today."_

"NO ONE CARES!"

"Shin-chan's always like this! You're only concerned about your Oha Asa! I'm breaking up with you!"

"Jeez, PMS much?"

"Who are you, anyway?! I don't even know you!"

"Shun Izuki! We played on court!"

"I only remember Shin-chan!" Yep, PMS-ing right there. What happened to happy-go-lucky-I'm-going-to-be-friends-with-everyone-even-my-opponents Kazunari Takao?"

"Well, maybe you don't remember me because you _shun_ned me. Get it?"

"That was really bad, Izuki-kun. EEP!" Furihata froze as a pair of heterochromatic eyes locked onto him and his ordinariness.

"I've still got it. I've still got it. Kuroko's story didn't make me malfunction like that Sakurai," Izuki muttered to himself, trying to convince himself. Maybe he needs to pull an all-nighter and re-read all of his joke books.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Actually, Steve was born March 18th, not in January," Kuroko challenged the prim-and-proper man's thoughts._

"Why the hell are you arguing him about that?!"

"Don't give him a birthday if you don't even like him! He's not even going to live past the day!"

"YEAH!"

Kuroko turned his eyes onto them. He was actually pretty cheerful, considering the fact that he had been getting himself unlimited amount of milkshakes (and no, he had not been stealing and have been leaving the cash in the register). That scared the audience more than anything.

After all, he _did_ make the story under the influence of vanilla milkshakes.

**_Midorima_**_: "Pisces are also told to have some disagreement with Aquarius."_

"Shin-chan!"

**_Kuroko_**_: "After Steve finished climbing the stairs, he saw the rest of his group standing at a crossroads. After some arguing, they decided to take a chance and split up, half going left and the others going right. Steve the useless went right. It was quite a walk, though much shorter compared to the rest of the journey, but they reached the floating Egg. They cried tears of joy when they guessed right at the crossroads and found the prize. They could now fulfill their mission that they've trained all their lives."_

"YES!"

"Finally! They reach the goddamn prize!"

"There's going to be a plot twist, isn't there? There always it with these kind of stories!"

"What kind of story is this?"

"Adventure? Horror? It's supposed to be womanly…."

"Do you really care what the genre is? It's almost ending!"

"Halleluiah!"

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Ah, a floating egg… is it boiled? A chocolate Easter egg? Or is it just a raw egg that you can make a chocolate and cheese omelet with?" _

"It's probably a man eating egg or something," Kagami muttered under his breath.

Aomine chuckled darkly. "You have no idea."

**_Kise_**_: "Egg?"_

**_Aomine_**_: "Is this some kind of supernatural stuff? It's a bomb egg isn't it?"_

"Yeah. A bomb or a man eating egg," Kagami repeated.

Momoi giggled and blushed. "Boiled egg? Is Tetsu-kun going to give me boiled eggs? What should I do?! I'm so lucky to have him as a boyfriend!"

**_Kuroko_**_: "Yes, the Egg. The Egg that'd let them fulfill everything that they needed to do in their life. The wonderful, perfectly spherical Egg that was specially placed in the middle of a glass case like they do in museums with many high technical traps that were inconveniently and inexplicable placed there by feminists who doesn't want the specially trained men to succeed. "_

"Feminists?"

"Something fishy's going here. Maybe it's a _fishy_ egg. Get it?" Izuki cackled madly at his pun. Hyuuga hit him on the head.

**_Kuroko_**_: "The rest of the men all charged to the Egg. Steve was a little slow and lagged behind. The first one got electrocuted and died. However, he disabled the first trap. The second one melted in acid. The third got hit by arrows in the head, knee and heart. The fourth got hit by an icy splash of water and froze to death after an unfortunate wild wind fl – "_

"Steve's kind of lucky…"

**_Aomine_**_: "How many people do you have in that measly group?!"_

**_Kise_**_: "I'm surprised this many even came until here. I thought only a handful would be left…."_

"I know right! That's what I was thinking!" Okamura cried out.

"You probably copied off their thoughts, you muscle gorilla," Fukui.

The captain burst out into tears _again. _He could rival Kise on his tear capacity.

"There is nothing wrong with being a muscle gorilla! MUSCLES!" Eikichi roared, flexing his muscles.

**_Kuroko_**_: "-ew past. The fifth was pierced by ice spikes that dropped from the ceiling. The sixth was – "_

**_Midorima_**_: "Like I said, all of them except Steve were probably Taurus. They're bound to have immense bad luck today." _

"Again, no one cares about these things."

"Shin-chan's always like this!" Takao threw a piece of French fry at his partner. "Shin-chan's so knowledgeable!"

Dafuq was with that 180? Totally PMS-ing.

The bespectacled man sighed resignedly. "Takao…."

**_Midorima_**_: "Also, you've already pierced the third one."_

**_Kuroko_**_: "No, no, Midorima-kun. This one was stabbed by ice spikes from above. The other one was shot by arrows from the side." _

**_Midorima_**_: "Right, right. My bad."_

"WHY ARE YOU COUNTING?! AND WHY DID YOU MEMORIZE THE METHODS?"

"Oh my. Do you want to join our club?" Imayoshi appeared out of nowhere, handing an official looking business card to the green haired.

"Club?" Midorima looked intrigued.

"NO! Don't go Shin-chan! You'll be dragged to the depths of hell!" Takao was silenced after Shoichi shot him a particularly nice looking smile.

"Yes. We – meaning Hanamiya and I – made a club back in middle school."

_'A club for what? Ways to kill people? ...wait, that does sound like what they'd do.'_

"We could do with another member. You have the glasses and the look. Though, your green hair might pose a problem…," Imayoshi trailed off.

Of all the things, they're discriminating against green hair?

"It's all natural. And no thank you. I'm afraid keeping up with Oha Asa is a full time job. You understand, don't you?" Midorima refused politely, after Akashi stared at him.

"Of course. I understand."

_'No, I don't think you really do….'_

**_Kuroko_**_: "Anyway, the rest of the men died, disabling one traps after another. Their last message was 'Finish it, Steve!', spoken in that voice in that game that Aomine-kun plays. Mortal Combat, was it?"_

**_Aomine_**_; "Mortal Kombat. With a 'K'."_

"The heck was that?! Why are you using Mortal Kombat voices?!"

"Ahomine! You play Mortal Kombat?" Kagami squawked in surprise.

"Yeah?"

Because really, who doesn't? What kind of boy has not played Mortal Kombat before?

"What do you play as?'

"What about you?"

"I'll tell if you tell."

"You tell first."

"No, you first.'

"After you."

"Look, Aomine-kun and Kagami-kun are having that moment. That moment where one goes 'no you hang up first' and the other goes 'no, _you _hang up first'," Kuroko commented to Murasakibara.

"OI, KUROKO/TETSU!"

Atushi flicked a lazy eye over the two. "Mm."

"We'll tell on three."

"Kuroko, count to three."

"One, two, th – "

"SCORPION!"

"SUB-ZERO!"

The two lights were now head-butting each other.

"WHA – Sub-Zero sucks!"

"Scorpion sucks more, you Bakagami!"

"Ahomine! Sub-Zero's a pansy."

"Yeah, well, Scorpion the shittiest of shit."

"Ah! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry to interrupt!" The heated gazes of Aomine and Kagami turned to Sakurai Ryo.

_'Well, about time he woke up. I didn't hit him _that_ hard,' _Wakamatsu thought.

"Then don't interrupt!"

"Ah, I'm so sorry! So, so sorry! And I'm sorry that I play Noob Saibot! And I'm sorry that he's not noob-y at all!"

"Ry – wait, you play Noob Saibot?"

"And he's not noob-y?"

"Yes? Sorry!"

"Ryo! It's _Noob Saibot_! Of course he's noob-y!"

"Yeah! Played him once. He _sucked_."

"I'm so sor – you wanna see how noob-y he is? Huh?" Sakurai turned a 180. "Let's do this bitch! It's all _your_ fault anyways. Sub-Zero douchebag Scorpion freak. Let's battle it out and see how noob-y my fucking awesome Noob Saibot is. Bring it bitch! You'll regret it bastards. Let's see ho –"

Ryo fell onto the floor after a fist connected to his head.

Wakamatsu looked up. "What? He malfunctioned again!"

**_Kuroko_**_: "Right. After that voice randomly came out, only Steve was left after everyone else died for his sake. He cried and went towards the Egg, the path cleared of all the traps. He reached up and touch the Egg… and was sucked in completely. After his whole body went in, he spontaneously combusted, splattering the clear walls with blood and gore. The Egg pulsed happily, before starting to float down the path. It –"_

"DUDE!"

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

"Heh, heh. Boiled eggs. Boiled eggs are the new definition of love," Momoi sighed dreamily.

"Junpei-chan! I defeated the evil, horrid Iron Heart. Now we can get down to business and make perfect shooting guard babies," Reo sashayed to Hyuuga's side. He somehow managed to make it look sensuous, despite the fact that he was colored red and yellow by condiments, there was coke stains on his pants and there was a chicken nugget stuck in his hair.

"Not on my watch!" He was swiftly tackled by Kiyoshi and they struggled like a bunch of fish out of the water.

"ARGH! IT'S _THIS_ PART!"

"Poor Steve!" Kise cried _again_. One day, they should have contest to see who can cry more tears: Okamura or Kise.

**_Aomine_**_: "What the actual fuck, Tetsu?! The man just spontaneously combusted?! And 'The Egg pulsed happily'. How the fuck does that fucking work?!" _

**_Akashi_**_: "Language, Daiki. There are kids in the shop."_

"There's none in _this_ shop," Izuki muttered, unable to come up with a pun.

**_Kise_**_: "Waah, Kuroko-cchi! You didn't have to kill off Steve! He was the only one with a name!" _

_'That actually… kind of makes sense and not at the same time.'_

**_Murasakibara_**_: "So it wasn't a chocolate egg? Or an omelet?" _

"ARE YOU STILL GOING ON ABOUT THAT?"

"Boiled eggs… pickled eggs. Signs of love," Momoi mumbled.

**_Midorima_**_: "Oha Asa was right. Pisces should be cautious around Aquarius. But did Steve listen to me? No. He gets what he deserves." _

"I… I don't think it actually works like that," one of the Kaijou guys said.

One of the Shutoku guys nearby, Otosubo, snorted. "You don't know this guy. Fortunes somehow always turn out true with him around."

"Some get me a pineapple. I wanna throw at this stupid kiwi head," Kiyoshi Miyaji ordered. "Talking about his damn Oha Asa all the time."

**_Kuroko_**_: "Please let me finish the story. It is not done yet and I know many people hate cliffhangers."_

Silence came from the speakers. All the commotion had died down.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Like I said, after Steve spontaneously combusted, the Egg pulsed happily and started down the path. When it reached the crossroads at the top of the staircase, it went through a secret tunnel that lead up, where there was fresh air, birds chirping and all things glorious. The Egg went to the middle of all of it, where there was a clearing made specifically for it. It laid down and prepared for its birth, hibernating for 9 months before it could be born and brought out of the cavern and into the real world … and quite possibly start the apocalypse. As for the rest of the men who went left and stayed as backup, there was a terrible flood as the Egg went into its secret tunnel imaginary world. The rest of the unlucky men all drowned and all the dead bodies, including the ones that died before, were flushed out of the cavern into the space where they spontaneously evaporated into water vapor. Thus the story shall now end, with no more chaos until the Egg is born… but that might be a sequel."_

"NO!"

"The heck was that ending? Worst ending ever! Even more than that one novel! What was it called again?"

"NO SEQUEL!"

"We veto that!"

"It's probably going to be something like Steve the Second somehow miraculously surviving an apocalypse but then spontaneously exploding or something."

"Or he's going to be the first one to die when the Egg takes over the world."

"Well, I'm glad _that's_ over."

**_Aomine_**_: "I knew it! Not one of them survives!"_

"Wait, there's more?" They all tensed. What's more to come? Rabid evil giant bunnies trying to squish the whole world? Giants dancing around in ballerinas and stomping on people? Humongous milkshake bottles blending up people in _their _blender? (Hey! You never know. This was Kuroko after all. Despite all his layers of politeness and evilness, he was a milkshake lover at heart!)

"Ah, this is just the aftermath of the story. I will just let it play because it is going to be a hassle to go to the system to shut it off,' Akashi explained, glancing at the huge mess in the middle, with Mibuchi and Teppei fighting like two kids playing in the mud. "It should also clear some things up."

Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

Wait, what about the remote in his hand? Can't he use that?

All the players suddenly had a foreboding feeling.

**_Kuroko_**_: "I never said anything about any of them surviving, Aomine-kun. That's what you assumed on your own." _

_'Evil!' _

**_Akashi_**_: "Tetsuya, I don't think you should be drinking any more of those. They're bound to be bad for your help if you drink over 10 a day."_

"What?"

**_Kise_**_: "Waah! No, Kuroko-cchi! You'll become too bloated and float away with all that liquid in your tummy!"_

"What?"

"Kise! I can't believe you said that!"

"Ow! Why are you hitting me, senpai?! That was in the past! I thought you said something like 'The past is in the past'!" Kise cried, holding his head. "Besides it's true! Kuroko-cchi barely has any weight. He'll become bloated and start floating away from me!"

"This is why I hit you!" Kasamatsu hit him again.

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Good job, Kuro-chin. So tiny ~"_

**_Midorima_**_: "Hmph. Only you guys didn't notice him finishing a drink after another."_

**_Kuroko_**_: "Yes, thank you for getting up to get me a new one every time, Midorima-kun." _

**_Midorima_**_: "It's not like I was doing it for you." _

"Shin-chan! You're so tsun-tsun!"

The heck was that? Tsun-tsun?

**_Aomine_**_: "Wait a minute. The whole fricking story didn't have anything to do with women at all! Nothing! It was just about a bunch of guys getting killed off while on a random adventure and in the end, some guy gets exploded and the rest drowned. There wasn't even a cameo of a woman!" _

"Oh my god! Ahomine actually make a good point! Kuroko, what kind of story was that?!" Kagami yelled.

**_Kuroko_**_: "That… was a heavily fictionalized fabricated version of the process of fertilization with a lot of improvisation. All information was from the video we watched in science class."_

Silence.

**_Kise_**_: "EHH?!" _

Everyone in the store mimed him, jaws dropping to the floor and eyes bugging out. Then some started cackling madly, finding the whole situation hilarious. Some cried while other accepted defeat as they couldn't keep up. Some hid in a corner and sulked while others did a jig out of happiness that the story wasn't something of an upcoming apocalypse.

"Oh my god! That was even worse than the Talk I had with my dad!"

"This is the most awesome Talk ever!"

"That was… disappointing." Of course it was disappointing for Hanamiya. He probably expected it to be Kuroko's 101 Methods of Killing People.

"What the actual frick was that?"

"What the hell did I listen to?"

"NOOOO! MY INNOCENCE! And to think I went out an arm and limb to avoid having the Talk! I never wanted to learn about sex! It's so fricking scary!"

"What the fuck dude? Wait, who are you?"

"Don't they tell this stuff in school?"

"I skipped that day."

"It's Steve! The homeless one! Catch him!"

"Wait! If he doesn't know about sex, does that mean he's a virgin? A homeless virgin?"

"Why are you thinking of stuff like that?! Why the heck do you want to know and care?!"

"N-nothing!"

**_Aomine_**_: "What the hell do you mean by that, Tetsu?!"_

**_Midorima_**_: "…how drastically different from the original version."_

"Shin-chan knows about sex! Oh my god!" Takao danced gleefully like a child.

"What? You think I didn't know?" Midorima was insulted. Takao should know him well enough that he knew everything. Well, close to that. As much as he'd hate to admit, Akashi was the one who knew after. And Momoi might be a close second.

The energetic Hawk Eye wasn't listening. "Oh my god! Oh my god! Shin-chan knows! Wait, the actual question is: has Shin-chan done _it_ yet?"

"Oh my god. Someone hand me a durian. One with big spikes. I wanna chuck it at the idiot so badly," Miyaji groaned. He settled for throwing a salt shaker at Kazunari's head. It hit him square on the forehead.

**_Murasakibara_**_: "Fertilization…?"_

"Wait, holy shit. Does Murasakibara even know of fertilization?"

"I think?"

"Himuro?"

"Erm, I think so…."

"Wait… if he doesn't, do _we_, the Yosen team, have to educate him?"

"Fuck."

"What are you talking about? Fertilization's stupid. It has eggs but not chocolate eggs. Or even boiled eggs," Atushi frowned. There were _eggs_. Eggs were supposed to be food, not something to make babies with or whatever it was. It was just stupid.

**_Kuroko_**_: "Does it not take a woman and a man to complete the process of fertilization? Aomine-kun only asked for a woman, not a specific type of woman or story. It was even based off true facts so it's beneficial for your knowledge."_

"That makes sense. It's somehow a womanly story," Izuki murmured to himself.

**_Kise_**_: "Wait, wait! So does that mean that all the men that were killed off were… all…." _

**_Kuroko_**_: "Yes. Steve's actual title would be Steve the Sperm." _

"Holy shit."

"You mean, every time we – we're killing off so many men?"

"My tiny little men. You shall all be named Steve so you shall succeed."

"Dude, what the fuck?"

"What? I want them to succeed and not get demented like all others. Got a problem?"

"Oh my God! My sock's a battlefield! It's been littered with so many dead bodies!"

"DUDE! TMI!"

**_Kise_**_: "WHAT?!"_

**_Aomine_**_: "Wait, wait. Would that mean that when they were first delivered into the cavern, getting out of the mountain, was actually… the scene where…." _

**_Kuroko_**_: "Yes. It's surprising that Aomine-kun could actually realize something in the story but then again, not really, since it's that part."_

"Sex scene?"

"Somehow, that was the most un-erotic sex scene every. It was just random stuff Kuroko was babbling about."

"If this was a movie, it would win the award 'The Most Un-Erotic, Un-Sexy Sex Scene Presented'."

"Where was all the hot girls? With big boobs?"

**_Aomine_**_: "I thoug – wait a minute. Tetsu! Did you just insult me?! I am not just a – "_

"Please, you're such a pervert, the Pervert King of Pervert Kingdom would've knighted you," Kagami snorted. "Wait no, you would _be_ the Pervert King."

**_Midorima_**_: "Well, the information and scenery is technically correct, just heavily fantasized and exaggerated. It is correct that 20% of the sperms die upon entrance because of the high acidity at the… entrance."_

**_Murasakibara_**_: "So the Egg wasn't a chocolate egg but an actual egg?" _

"Why the hell are you going about that?!"

"Eggs should be for eating. Anything else that you can't eat shouldn't be called 'egg'," Atushi glared at anyone who dared to disagree with him.

"You know, you get riled up about the most random things."

"Ah, Muro-chin! Do you have anything for me?"

"I kept a bar of chocolate just in case you did manage to finish all those snacks."

**_Kuroko_**_: "Yes, that is correct."_

**_Akashi_**_: "Well then, that was an interesting story."_

Interesting was right. Or maybe even batshit crazy with a dash of terror and a tiny, tiny bit of information. After all, they learnt this stuff way back then.

"Man I don't even know."

"OMIGOD! I knew it! Tetsu-kun totally likes me! He wants to have babies with me! That's the whole point of the story!" Satsuki bounced up and down, clapping her hands gleefully.

"What is she talking about?" the rest asked, bewildered.

"Momoi-san, I'm not – " Kuroko started.

"He's totally going to propose and we're going to get married and then we'll be living in a house that's painted sky blue and we'll have Nigou and his puppies and then we'll have two children...," Momoi babbled away. "…and Tetsu-kun loves me! I love that story! It's our future!"

Their future is a whole bunch of people – _millions_ – getting killed. Though if you looked at it from the educational view, Momoi gets pregnant. By Steve. The Sperm, not the homeless one.

"Aomine-kun?"

"Yeah, Tetsu," Aomine sighed. "She'll be fine… I think. Just in shock or something. She should be fine in a while."

Silence reigned over the whole shop. They were just out of things to talk about, out of energy to keep going and out of fucks to give.

Some were playing mindlessly with random shit, trying to get rid of what they've just heard. Others were full blown freaking out. Nebuya and Hamaya were still trying to have a competition on who could throw out Steve more and Steve kept trying to come back because of all the lovely French fries, fish sticks, chicken nuggets and they were pretty sure that was a burger patty, stuck in Kiyoshi's and Reo's hair. The two's epic food (cat) fight was over, as they both had no more energy left. They laid down in a puddle of runny condiments, courtesy of all the coke spilled.

The peacefulness was interrupted by Kagetora Aida, who burst in through the window with a gun. He quickly located his daughter rocking herself at the tiny corner of the corner booth that was situated in a corner, next to the bathroom that was – yeah you get the idea. She's waaay in the corner zone.

"Riko! I had a sense that you guys were talking about sex. It wasn't safe," Kagetora waved his gun, eyeing all the males in the room. The girl with pink hair muttering about blue haired and pink haired babies were not helping.

"Dad?" Riko raised her eyes.

"Come on! We're going home! It's not safe here!" the sports trainer dragged his daughter to his feet. He kept his gun close and led her out, all the while looking at everyone like they were fugitives. Or wild animals.

"With all due respect sir, Riko –"

"And you! Don't call her by her first name! And you're coming by the gym to do some more training! Now back off from my precious Riko!"

He left the through the door.

Everyone stared after the swinging door, baffled at what happened.

"Why does everyone keep threatening me with that?!" Hyuuga burst out in anger.

There was a long, pregnant silence after that.

"So…," Kiyoshi called from where he was making snow angel in condiments (condiment angel?). "Who wants pizza?"

It was quite amazing that such a little comment got them all kicked out of the shop. Though, really, they should've been kicked out a long, long time ago.

"GET OUT!" the owner of the shop yelled, bursting through the staff door like a ninja. "I can tolerate a horrid, horrid story about sex being broadcast through my store, a food fight between two homos who probably wants a threesome with that glasses guy, that little phantom guy – yeah, you! I saw you – getting shakes from behind the counter every 10 minutes or so, the kiwi head and the guy who probably drank too much Red Bull having a lovely dove-y time in the girl's bathroom and numerous retching in the male bathroom, you people kicking out Steve every 10 minutes! He's my friend! He's welcome in here! I have tolerated everything you basketball idiots have pulled. But if anyone mentions the p-word, they are going to be kicked out of here, no questions!"

Kiyoshi scrunched his eyebrows. "P-word? You mean piz –"

"Don't fucking say it! Out! OUT!" the barely 5'0" old guy who looked like he had a bad hip proceeded to chase everyone, including the 6'0" and over tall basketball players out the door (though, some did escape through the window after a particularly hard cane whipped their rear end).

Because apparently the owner of Maji Burger had a very, very, _very_ big vendetta against pizza. It wasn't named Maji _Burger_ for nothing.

"YOU SUCK, COLONEL SANDERS!"

"NICE TRY! I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST FRIED CHICKEN!"

"PPPPIIIIZZZZAAA!"

A pepper shaker came flying out the broken window.

* * *

After the night, many were wary of Kuroko and proceeded to do whatever he would ask immediately. They also gave him his distance, scared that he might whip out a knife, stab them and then proceed to give them the Talk. It was a bit lonely and Kuroko had to work his butt off to make sure that the Seirin team interacted like normal again (harder than it looks since Hyuuga witnessed that catfight and was now convinced Kiyoshi was after him (probably was or he was just really, really friendly with a streak of possessiveness for his teammates)). On the other hand, no one accidentally bumped into him or stepped on his foot.

He also got Hanamiya's phone number just in case he ever felt like 'loosing up his morals and try some of that shit that he described' and whatnot. He also got a business/club card from Imayoshi but that was quickly torn to shreds and burned for a good measure by his teammates (both former and present). Momoi's love for him also, somehow inexplicably, grew. Kuroko was frankly kind of scared.

* * *

Mayuzumi Chihiro stared blankly at the screen in horror, unable to look away from it. It wasn't particularly anything on the screen that got him paralyzed. No, there actually wasn't anything horrifying or interesting on there.

No. He was paralyzed because of his ears. Or more specifically, the deadpan tone that was giving him a gruesome description that was going on vividly in his mind, clear as day. And _this_ was the so-ordinary-in-a-way-that-he's-not teammate of the Rakuzan's captain? This voice that was whispering unspeakable horrors in his ear as it continued to narrate a 'womanly' story during 'friendly, happy, story time that they shared during middle school'.

And Akashi wants him to become exactly someone like _this_?! There was no way.

He could barely breath, could barely blink. He could only do so when the annoying commentary of the other Generation of Miracles came on, interrupting the story. Mayuzumi Chihiro wasn't a coward, but the thought of facing the smallest Generation of Miracle in person made him terrified. Was the boy really as physically weak and unnoticeable as they say? To the white-haired teen, he sounded awfully creative with these killings that god only knows where he got these ideas from.

It was well into the night when he finished listening. It was quite a long story with a lot of interrupting that gave him a new light on what the Generation of Miracles were like personally. Quite possibly the most bizarre group of people. And their leader was going to be his captain.

That thought made him sweat drop a little.

There was no way he could top _that_.

Okay, admittedly, Chihiro had a pretty competitive streak. A very competitive streak that was the result of living with his older brother who just left for college. He was secretly sort of gloating over the fact that he was going to be part of Akashi's New Generation of Miracles or whatever he was trying to make with the Rakuzan basketball team. He was proud of the fact that he had more skills than the phantom member of the Generation of Miracles. He studied all the materials Akashi gave him, looked over all the information (and why did the captain have so many pictures of the guy?) and he was proud to say that he had more skills than the cyan-haired.

Sure, he didn't have that extraordinaire passing skill but he was just getting started. He already assisted some goals with the progressing skill just yesterday in practice. It was only a matter of time before he surpassed the old model of the Phantom of the Generation of Miracle. (Is that really what they call him? Damn. That's a mouthful.)

But _this. _This. There was no way he could beat it. There was no way, even with his gigantic competitive streak and almost obsession to beat the phantom, there was no way he could make a story like _this_.

He'd have to go insane first to even measure up to the level of the story. And then go insane a few more times and then get a whole bunch of diseases to mess up his brain more before he can even get to the level of intensity for the first killings of the story.

Mayuzumi blinked as he heard a 'ping' in his headphones. His admittedly silent headphones that he forgot to take off because he was sitting here staring at the screen in horror like for the past 10 minutes.

_'That was a wrong file. Please delete the first one and listen to this instead. This is just the story version. _

_-Akashi Seijirou'_

The heck?! The crazy redhead expected him to listen to it _again_?! The first time was enough. Was he trying to suffocate him? He couldn't _breathe_ when the story was going on. If he had to listen to the new version, he wouldn't have crazy interruptions that allowed him to breathe and tell himself that the person he was going to take after is not a crazy person, not a crazy person at all. He didn't escape from an insane asylum, right?. If he did, Akashi would have records of it and would've sent him them, right?

(A really shitty part of his brain reminded him that this was _Akashi_ they were talking about. He was the _captain_ of the Generation of Miracles, where the crazy people with a strong affinity towards basketball gathered. He probably _planned_ the escape from the asylum. They all probably escaped from there and forged papers to get into middle school. Because a middle schooler who's supposedly ordinary should not be able to make up a story of this proportions.)

Needless to say, Mayuzumi Chihiro can't ever think about sex in the same way again. He might not even have sex for the rest of his life! Yes, he'll gladly die a virgin if it means never remembering the story again. And Chihiro vowed to never look a Kuroko Tetsuya in the eyes.

* * *

_This. I'm not sorry for it at all. This was a motherload (18444 words in total, 56 pages in Word) that I don't even know how I did it but I did and here it is. FF actually froze the when I tried to copy-paste the whole thing. And it froze twice. But here you go now. _

_And I'm not sorry for everyone who's sort of OOC. Or for the sort of side stories (like briefing Kagami) that I just went off on. Akashi in here is (spoilers for the last updated chapter) still the gold and red eyed Akashi, not the red eyed one, because he's such a boss like that. Or the boss's son, since his dad's probably the owner of some mega company that for some inexplicable reason, has not been mentioned. That or he's a mafia boss, being so strict all the time. Still Akashi's a boss either way. Plus heterochromatic eyes are pretty cool. _

_I actually didn't plan on doing a sequel and completely missed on checking the 'complete' button when I published it (hence maybe why you guys thought I was going to write more at first) but then I had a request and here you go. Plus, I forgot to even mention Momoi in the first chapter and I feel guilty about that. I'll be surprise if you actually made it all the way here. I know Momoi was weird but then I guess when you get used to writing guys, it's sort of weird to go back to girls. And I'll be honest, I don't really know how to write her. _

_A lot of random shipping here. God, I love the Kiyoshi/Hyuuga/Mibuchi one. Sounding kind of narcissistic here. But I can't help it, I ship Kiyoshi/Hyuuga. And I'm actually surprised that no one has done Hyuuga/Mibuchi fanfic, especially after that chapter and Reo calling Hyuuga 'Junpei-chan' and what not. AoKaga is in. I have no idea why, because I'm more of an AoKuro. But there ya go. I don't know if what I wrote counts as Takao/Midorima but kind of I guess. Or just friendly bromance. _

_I'm kind of sad that I wrote Mayuzumi's part separate and he's not in the gang. I actually did it first then wrote the all the others' parts. I guess I don't really like him, no matter how many Mayuzumi's-Kuroko's-big-bro fics there are. I would've liked to write more Izuki but I suck at puns. On another note, I got to familiarize myself more with the teams' players. I mean, I barely know everyone else's names aside from the GoM and what not. Miyaji (the fruit throwing guy) is now my new favorite side character. He's just awesome that way, never mind the fact I barely remember seeing him. Sakurai Ryo turned out weird but then I figured that since I was already going with exaggerated reactions, might as well let him malfunction. _

_Formatting this was a bitch. So was trying to edit this. I mostly read this through once, fixed some things here and there and it's good enough. This is why I need a Beta. So that I don't do that and upload a story with so many grammar mistakes. Sometimes I go back to look at my already published stories and go 'fuck, I suck at grammar' or 'Why the fuck did I write/miss that?!' But yeah. If any of you reading this wants to Beta (and you might end up Beta-ing other fics in other genres since I'd probably ask just for the grammar. Go check in my stories and read a few maybe to check if I'm compatible with you), PM me or something. It's actually hard to find a Beta. I thought it'd be easy but nope. Have to check they accept mild yaoi, check that they go for the humor stuff etc. I just need someone to check my grammar! Is that so hard?!_

_I liked the ending. That's just what I have to say. And the fact that I don't know if half of what I wrote even makes sense. _

_Anyway, thank you for reading! Hope you like it!_

_Note: I forgot to mention that Futoshi Matsunaga's an actual serial killer. He and his accomplice, Junko, killed a whole bunch of people and he basically controlled Junko and her family and got them to do his bidding. Even made them kill each other. And I think he conned a lot of people out of their money. I chose him, instead of this other woman who supposedly killed over 130 or something, mostly infants (I think), mostly because his methods of killing (and yes, I did some research, read: Wikipedia) were pretty diverse. If you wanna find out how he killed and stuff, just search him up on Google. He's pretty famous. _


End file.
